Hope and a Future

Corn Syrup Solids

2012-01-23T09:38:00.002-05:00

Hello, My name is Emily and I am addicted to Corn Syrup Solids.

I don't know when I switched from half and half to Creamer.
17 years ago when Josh and I got married he was putting skim milk in his coffee....
Bleeek!
We have tried condensed milk and powdered creamer and when we started doing low carb eating I used half and half.
But somehow a long the way I started buying Vanilla Creamer.
And from Thanksgiving until January we buy Egg Nog.
The first week in January I read the label on the Egg Nog.
Labels are a dangerous thing.
Reading them is hazardous to your health.
I don't recommend reading labels to the faint of heart.
Elise makes reading labels a quiz show game.
"Guess how much carbohydrates is in this bag of potato chips?"
The person who comes closest without going over is the winner.
Josh usually wins.
Last time we played this game I helped him cheat...I was sitting next to Elise and mouthed the answer, she caught us.
She's smart but a good sport and thought it was great fun.
Corn Syrup Solids are not fun and neither is my coffee without them.
I wondered if I would have to give up coffee altogether and get my caffeine from powdered water drinks.
Walmart is now selling 7 powdered water packets with 80mg of caffine for $2.
Zipp fizz without the fizz or the high price tag.
Can you tell I had some this morning? ...blah, blah, blah,
I should have put a disclaimer at the beginning of this post....caution, this post is about nothing and person is under the influence of caffeine.
Happy ending to the problem of my corn syrup solid is that I have switched to Walmart Brand Vanilla Soy milk.....
Which wasn't vanilla enough so I am now adding Sugar Free Vanilla Syrup.
My dilemma of Corn Syrup Solids is solved but I have reintroduced Sucralose, aka, Splenda which I had almost eliminated because I read it was bad for the good bacteria in my stomach.
Ah, The Horror of trying to eat/drink right.

Pushing my luck

2012-01-20T08:10:00.000-05:00

Normally I wear slacks to church because I have to leave 1/2 hr before it lets out to go to work at the embroidery shop. Jan. 1 it was closed and so I put on a skirt. We were heading out to my aunts after church for some collard greens so we swung into Kingsley plantation real quick and snapped a family picture. The picture is actually at the Ribault Club because it was closer but then Josh....in true Josh fashion decided to drive out different than we came in and circum navigated the plantation.

Good thing they weren't waiting on us to eat.
I'd like to go out there again and try and take some more family pictures.
Everyone but Elise hates taking pictures.
It is not pleasant to take family pictures.
We avoid taking family pictures.
It's a miracle we had two taken in less than a month.
I shouldn't push my luck.

Dragons Can Be Beaten

2012-01-11T10:08:00.001-05:00

I use my blog's Bible verse a day as the starting point for my day. Two days of looking at that bent arrow from the last post is enough. Gloria always has great picture quotes on her blog...where do you find them?
While I was looking through Google images for inspirational quotes I ran across the Chesterton quote.
I love it.
But I love children's literature.
I also love old hymns sung by folk/country singers.
I love watching action movies at the theater, it's the only movies I'll pay for.

I love singing with my kids.

I love talking on the phone with my husband....over Christmas break when Stewart overheard me saying that Josh and I never talk, he said that I woke him up one morning talking on the phone to Josh and he kept waiting for me to get off so he could fall back to sleep and I just kept talking on and on and on.

Besides liking the quote because it references fairy tales I also like it because my neighbor Craig and I are consistently jogging a 9 minute mile even thought we are up to 6 miles 3 days a week.
Since we got a new camera for Christmas, I really need to start taking more pictures and using them.
What dragons have you beaten lately?

I love today's verse of the day...God planned out the good things I am going to do....Glad He has taken care of me doing good since I can't be left on my own to do them!
We are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.

Ephesians 2 : 10

Turn the corner

2012-01-09T14:09:00.001-05:00

Lately I've been jogging 6 miles....up from the average 4 mile jog.
Lately I've been listening to I have a Dream by City Harmonic and imagining my nephew Stephen singing that he is home.
Lately I've been tired of listening to Stewart's 4 week cough so I took him today to the doctor and he has bronchitis.
Lately I've realized this is the last year that Emmett will be home for me and it makes me sad.
Lately I have not wanted to do a daily Bible reading plan and I'm not sure what to do with that.
Lately I've been wanting to take a nap as soon as I wake up.

Love Languages

2012-01-02T08:06:00.000-05:00

Last time my sister was in town we were discussing the love languages of my children and since one of them was listening then we tried to explain our love languages. Neither of us have read the book so I thought it was pretty funny us discussing it.
In the same call that she told me she saw an Osprey flying over the University Blvd bridge carrying a fish in it's mouth, I told her that Josh had just won 4 tickets to the Disney World Theme Parks. She said something about us being the winningest people. I jokingly said it was God's love language toward us. She agreed because it meant more for her to see an Osprey than winning tickets.

When you were dead in your sins and in the uncircumcision of your sinful nature, God made you alive with Christ. He forgave us all our sins.

Colossians 2 : 13

Traditions

2011-12-21T07:48:00.001-05:00

Merry Christmas!
While Cathron was visiting to help out my mom from knee replacement I asked her to take a family photo. The night before she went home we went to the Main library and she took a few photos. The background didn't turn out to be what I had hoped but at least we're all in it and have reasonably good smiles. She had never been to the Main library and was pleasantly surprised, especially with the Map Room. Elise had just learned about the early explorers and it was neat to show her early maps that went along with that history lesson.

Yesterday I took Elise to get her picture taken with Santa. She asked a few weeks ago but yesterday was the first chance I had. I think we've been going to see the same Santa since she was two...it's Christmas for her. The boys went to Dick's Sports, Target and Game Stop while we did Santa, Bath and Body Shop, and Gap. An hour and half at the Towne Center and we were outta there.

The week after Thanksgiving I took out the Christmas cards, last year I found them a few days before Christmas. Tracy said, maybe next year I will get them out and address them and then in a few years they should get sent out. We'll see. Tracy was holiday baking when Susan and went to her house the other night for our Good and Beautiful God book/Bible study. She had peanut butter blossoms, lemon crinkle cookies, red velvet balls, sugar cookies and cooling on a baking sheet was sugared pecans. My mom usually makes these every year and I inhale them...Tracy has given me some in the past too (also inhaled before I even get home) so I was hoping she was going to share again this year....Susan and I were at the door heading home and Tracy said wait, let me get you some pecans. YES!
I was nervous there for a minute but after all her sweets that I had already eaten I knew I was probably better off not getting any. Let it be known that I did not inhale them and I am actually sharing them with my husband.

Last night I started wrapping presents. Seems like the last couple of years I waited until Christmas Eve, it will be nice to have it done before then. Hopefully tonight I will finish. It helps when there aren't a whole lot of gifts. That should be a lesson to me....cleaning would be a whole lot easier if there were less stuff around....less clothes= less laundry...etc....

I hope you have a purposefully relaxed Christmas and run to the one who is a strong tower and sent his son for us to celebrate this time of year.

Merry Christmas

Wild Hair

2011-12-07T09:34:00.001-05:00

Yesterday, after seeing the Coop Keeper's post about homemade laundry soap and the cost per gallon I reconciled myself to making it again. I stopped because making it was not convenient, and I like Tide. BUT I can not afford Tide and no amount of coupons reduces the price and I also hate scouring the coupons to find the best price on laundry soap when I KNOW how cheap it is to make my own.
Started yesterday but had to stop to go to visit my mom in the hospital.
By starting it, I mean that I grated my Fels Naptha and put it in a pot with water...that's it.
But what I discovered is that by leaving it soaking in the water all day, it almost melted itself and cut down my time at the stove stirring considerably.
I am not a patient stirrer at the stove.
I want to turn the heat on high and get it over with....not a good idea...stuff burns that way.
Anyhow, I finished it up right after dinner and then this morning I poured it from my big container into an empty smaller size bottle of laundry soap so it can be easily shaken and measured just in case any one else in the family gets a wild hair to help out with laundry.
I'm back on the homemade soap bandwagon and the ride is a lot smoother than I anticipated.

Not related to laundry but to the Coop Keeper...when I was reading backwards through her blog yesterday I saw she had posted the same picture that Gloria had posted. Thought of it while I was jogging this morning and wondered if I wanted Josh to take a picture of me jogging, but I jog in the dark so that would be kinda hard. This morning after I got home and looked at myself I thought how much of a "before" picture I look like....I don't know how self deprecating of a thought it was or just reminding myself that even though I jogged 5 & 1/@ miles in 49 minutes,.... I still have a ways to go and don't think for a minute sista that you can slow down or slack off....that was my self talk this morning. I hope you are encouraging yourself as well this morning. You are doing a good job and your source is abundant and rich in Mercy and when you need to stop and rest in His Everlasting Arms He knows. Keep up the good work.

Dear Santa

2011-12-05T09:21:00.001-05:00

Dear Santa,

I would really like a pair of comfy pretty black shoes and two white bookcases, not the brown one in the picture. Actually everything except the coffee maker are just general ideas. I saw the coffee maker on t.v. this morning and thought it looked wonderful.
My tree isn't even up yet and I don't know when it will happen, but the Elf on a Shelf never got put in the attic nor did two of the Snowmen that Robin made 15 years ago so we do have some Christmas decorations out.

Truth be told

2011-12-01T10:41:00.001-05:00

The maid popped by for a few minutes this morning after she spent all night in the hospital with her mom. Said she had the urge to clean the exhaust hood over the stove.
She didn't like the Fantastic spray so she switched to Dawn Dish Washing Soap and it was amazing how clean she got the underside of the range hood. She also wiped down all the what-nots that sit on the back of the stove top, the kitchen windows and did a quick once over on the floors.
I like it when she stops by out of the blue like that.
For some reason I never notice how dirty an area is until she decides to show up.
I don't know what possessed her to scrub away like she did after being woken up every 30-40 minutes by hospital staff or machine bells dinging all night long. Must've been the coffee her husband had waiting for her when she got home at 6:30 a.m. Maybe it was the garden eggs she decided to make before she took her two oldest boys to school?
Who knows?
I'm just glad she did it.
That's twice this week she has showed.
Monday she was here for a while.
Cleaned Elise's room, vacuumed almost the whole house, did laundry, scrubbed the bathroom tub, dusted ceiling fans, and liberally sprayed fabreeze everywhere.
She probably went a bit over board on the spray.
I really liked the way she hauled a bag full of stuff to throw away out of Elise's room. Truth be told she could probably have gathered enough to fill two bags but she had to go to another job.
I hope she comes by next week and works on my room, maybe she'll find the amber jewelry I picked up in Czech this summer for Christmas presents.
Losing Christmas presents seems to be a specialty of mine.

Faithful

2011-11-21T06:43:00.001-05:00

It is pretty common for Josh to have Pandora playing worship music while we are getting ready for church. In the bedroom I had the morning news on already and didn't turn it off until I heard "How he Loves" and it sounded different, could it be I wondered?
Yes it was.
It was John Mark McMillian.
A few months ago we learned the story behind the song. Before then I mostly listened to the David Crowder version.

Our church had a Thanksgiving service last night. We ate Italian before and sang and gave thanks after.
The new pastor stopped the singing abruptly after the line :
Here I raise my Ebenezer
"Take a stone," he said, "and write what you are thankful for and place in up front."......."Oh, and tell everyone what you wrote."
Great idea but the first thing that came to my mind was Stephen because the last three songs we sang I had specifically written about this year. Specifically written about how they taught me something about God.
Streaming tears.
I couldn't go up there and write Stephen and then say why.
After sitting there and listening to all the wonderful reasons people were giving thanks I thought about the past year and the lesson I had taught in the morning's Sunday school lesson.
God has been faithful to talk to me through songs and teach me about his truth.

At the very end of McMillian's youtube song there is a line that is not on the radio version:
"I thought about you the day that Stephen died and you met me between my breaking, I know that I still love you God despite the agony."

Macaroni!"

2011-11-19T06:15:00.001-05:00

A few weeks ago we were driving to pick up John-Thomas from school when I hear Elise yell out
"Macaroni!"
"Macaroni?" I ask?
"No mom, not macaroni, Mat Kearny."
much laughter
Duh, if I was listening to the radio I would've realised that "Down" was playing on the radio.
"Hey Mama" had been our favorite since May when it was released. We played it a half dozen times singing and dancing in our little house instead of doing school.
Now whenever he comes on the radio, we shout "Macaroni!" It brings a smile to my face every time.

This week

2011-11-16T10:39:00.001-05:00

This week I started 5lbs heavier than I am now...there was leftover Halloween candy at work...why?
This week Stewart made the best quiche I have ever seen, and it was good too.
This week we went out to eat compliments of my sister in honor of Stewart getting straight A's.
This week I ran my personal best of 51 minutes for 5 and 1/2 miles because it was 57 degrees with low humidity, today was 67 w/ 100% humidity...not so good, bleck....
This week I've been reading Mistress in the Art of Death, another Susan recommendation...not really, she heard about it but hasn't actually read it....I don't think I like it but will finish it. Children get hurt and murdered in it, so even if it is set during the crusade time of England with limited maybe no romance, I still don't like the murdering of the children aspect.
This week my Groupon for ice skating expires so I guess Elise and I will be go ice skating.
This week John-Thomas has an interview to volunteer at the Main Library downtown.
This week Josh got some new drugs to help with his neck and back pain
This week I am supposed to be reading Chapter 6, God is Holy in the Good and Beautiful God. I am also supposed to be reading about how God is Faithful to teach the K-2 graders in Sunday School. "You know with all your heart and soul that not one of all the good promises the LORD your God gave you has failed. Every promise has been fulfilled; not one has failed." Joshua 23:14
Right now I am hungry and will stop for lunch, and then we head to the Goodwill Pound Store.

Changes

2011-11-07T11:42:00.001-05:00

A week ago I was in Indiana driving around my sister's jeep. I ended up driving through a part of IU that I did not mean to be in , but I found my way to the mall/Target. We also went to an education store, B&N and a party shop. After lunch we went out on the horses, and I did not fall off. Then I ate our left over Target popcorn with a bowl of candy corn Cathron had sitting out.

We did not trick or treat until 2004 when John-Thomas was nine. But displaced from our home and our community because of the hurricanes and going stir crazy with a newborn I wanted something to do so the boys put on their camo clothes and we went door to door gathering candy. I wasn't happy with the ghoulish houses and hoped when we moved to Jacksonville it would be better but it wasn't so much so we did church festivals the next couple of years. Turns out John-Thomas is bitter about not getting enough trick or treating as a young child but he is 16 and says he is bitter about all sorts of things. Like the fact that I made him go to bed at 8 oclock until he was 9. Go Figure.

Fast forward to last year, Elise and Emmett go with me to Indiana and go trick or treating with their cousins. They went again this year. I didn't go with them either times. I don't know what the houses were like. What I don't know won't bother me. Last year a teen friend of my sister's family took them, this year my brother in law. Cathron and I sat at her friend's house while she handed out candy and we chatted. I probably wouldn't have even mentioned this except I read Jenette's anti Halloween post.
Change happens.

After Trick or treating we went to Buffulo Wild Wings.
All of Stephen's friends were invited to join my sister and brother-in-law there.
About 25 showed up.
Cathron and Dave's new pastor showed up and so did a couple that was at the hospital with them two years ago.
Heavy Sigh.
Seems longer than a week a go.

The saddest part of the trip was walking past the family photos in the hall.
It tugs at my heart strings something awful.
I think the photo above was taken a few days after I met them in N.C.
Most of the clothes Stephen and Joshua wore in the photos through the years were passed on to my boys.
Cathron is diligent about getting family photos taken and scrapbooked and displayed.
Me, not so much.
The last family photo of us was on the last cruise we took a year ago.
Time for a family photo I tell everyone last night.
No way says Stewart
Count me out says John-Thomas.
Yippee says Elise.

I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.

Philippians 4 : 12

BFF

2011-11-03T10:06:00.000-04:00

A week ago today, this is where I was.
Actually, not quite, we were still driving on the road, it didn't open until 10a.m.
We used the four free tickets Emmett scored for us when I stalked the lego crew that came to Jacksonville in September. Cathron bought tickets for Stewart and John-Thomas's birthday. After the boys read that Legoland was for 6-12 yr olds they didn't want to go...what fun could they possibly have since they were 14 & 16?

Well, they had lots of fun. We rode the rides as much as we wanted, even got stuck on one of them....the one that SallyCorp of Jacksonville made, whoops.

Anyway we had fun, wish we had taken a group picture of the family from church that met us there.
Shanel is my new BFF...blessed friend forever...saw that on a Natural Life product and thought of her when I saw it.
Shanel was on the trip to Czech last summer and she helps me with the kids program on Wednesday night. She says people don't get her, that's just because everyone wants to be like her. I'm only saying this because she's a closet Hope and Future reader. She also reads the Coop Keeper, one of my favorite blogs.
What else do you want to know about her?

If I had my wishes, she would blog, and my sister and Christina....she sometimes reads too. You don't know Christina and to be honest, I don't know her as well as I want to, nor do I get to spend any time together, unless you count the last church dinner...we sat at the same table. I don't get to spend enough time with my blog friends either. Shoot, I've never even met Sheri...my kids ask me why I read some one's blog that I've never even met? Honesty, perseverance, seeking righteousness, that's why.
When Legoland closed at 5 we grabbed a bite to eat at Wendy's and then Josh dropped Elise, Emmett and myself off at the Orlando airport and we flew to Indiana as is our tradition now for October 31st.
That is a post for a different day, my nose feels all prickly and my eyes ache at the thought.
And really it wasn't that difficult of trip but that's only if you keep your eyes off the waves and storm and keep them on the one you're walking out of the boat to. I like boats, more than walking, could spend all day on a boat.
I was wondering what the next thing I am looking forward to since the Legoland/Indy trip is over and speaking of boats reminded me of the 40th birthday Cruise my dad is taking us on in April. My BFFs Susan and Tracy were supposed to go but I kinda think they might not. But my sister is and she is also my BFF so it's all good.

He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.

Philippians 1 : 6

Winners and Losers

2011-10-26T13:06:00.000-04:00

Stewart played his last middle school football game last night.

The picture was from the only game they won, last night they played against the number one team in the district, and I think they knew that.

I didn't plan on making this about our sanctification but how should playing for the number one team affect us?

Stewart said they really didn't care if they ate too much spaghetti before the game because they knew they weren't going to win.

How often does that translate into what we do ever day?

Back to Stewart

He loved playing football this year. At the beginning of the year he and his friend picked 36 and 37, they were almost always on the field at the same time. They went out to eat after football practice one day and dreamed about college football and the pros. This did not sit well with me.

John-Thomas played a year of middle school football and then he switched to ~~a safe sport~~ cross country in high school.

High School football is rough, the players are a lot bigger, kids get hurt...I don't want my son to get injured.

It makes him happy, he loves playing football. He enjoyed the relationship he had with his coach. I talked to the swim coach last night about Stewart doing swimming in the spring instead of track. (He didn't do so good at track last year) She told me to let him do what he liked.

"Well he didn't really like track" I said, "it is Coach Harris that he likes."

" Ahh" she said, with a sweet look in her eye, "Coach thinks the world of him".

So my dream of Stewart becoming an all star swimming star may be drowning.

Along with my children playing piano,

being dancers,

singers,

championship chess players,

math team wizards.

It's okay, and if it weren't time for me to take them to school I would come up with some pithy response.

Stewart just read my post as he came to tell me to get dressed and he said,

"I might still join the math team."

More thoughts on Halloween

2011-10-10T11:37:00.000-04:00

Yesterday we started singing this song.
Fine song, we've sung it before.
But when we got to the chorus, all of sudden while I was singing
Oh, my God, He will not delay
My refuge and strength always
I will not fear, His promise is true
My God will come through always, always

What was really going through my mind was me standing in the kitchen telling Cathron everything was going to be okay. I remember thinking while I was on the phone with her that there was nothing to fear, My God will come through always, always.

Two years later I still believe that my God will come through always but it is not the way I would ever imagine or in my PollyAnna Hollywood dream world plan it out to be. I'm still glad I didn't fear, I wish that was the case most of the time.
There are struggles, unforeseen twists in our life, a path that turned when we didn't want to, or a path that will not turn when we want to, and yet God's promises are always true.
This story of our life is not about our hopes and dreams it is about His.

Cried on the phone with a friend that unexpectedly called this morning, We discussed these same things.
I didn't think yesterday when I was reliving my kitchen experience that I would be using it to encourage my friend to trust in the One who has already planned out her life. When I started this post this morning I didn't know that Jennifer would be calling and adding to this story. There is so much I don't know.

I lift my eyes up, my help comes from the Lord

Equality

2011-10-09T08:08:00.001-04:00

Jesus Christ, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness.

Why do we try to grasp the control of our lives and make our self equal?God?
Why do we try to grasp our importance and self rights and make our self equal w/God?
Why do we raise our fist when our afflictions seem to outshine His Glory and we try to make our self equal with God?

But....
he made himself nothing....
taking the very nature of a servant.

Oh How He loves us.
How He loves

Preparation

2011-10-03T08:38:00.001-04:00

Jesus said, I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will live, even though he dies. John 11:25
Today's verse of the day, coupled with David Crowder's How he loves touched a nerve this morning.
Preparing my heart to remember that He makes beautiful things out of dust. That he brings beauty from ashes.
Last week we bought my ticket to Indiana.
Thinking about Solomon's words of vanity.
All this church going and "right" living is all vanity.
We have nothing to stand upon other than Christ's righteousness.
Sorry it's been a bit silent here lately. Not able to be on the computer much, my email went days without being checked and while I got on FB it was literally for two minutes. Hoping for a few more minutes this week.

ukes and grass skirts

2011-09-22T06:47:00.000-04:00

God is Trustworthy is the title/theme of Chapter 3 of The Good and Beautiful God. He started the chapter out discussing Jesus's trust of his Father. Jesus knew God before he was a man and knew he was a good father long before he had to trust. Jesus focused on his good God when life didn't seem good and trusted that God's way was good. This post has been sitting in my draft folder for several days because I wanted to discuss the great truth in this chapter but I am realising this morning that I don't have time. This started out as an easy enough post about the things I'm thankful for and maybe that's all it should have been.

The soul training exercise for Chapter 3 of The Good and Beautiful God is to write out how you are thankful. James Bryan Smith says to list loved ones, material possessions, opportunities, creation, things you love and things that God has done for you. In a couple of different places I written out a few things but I am far short of the fifty or hundred that he suggest striving for in a list.

robes of righteousness that always fit no matter how much ice cream I've eaten
Grace that meets me when I don't deserve it
Good tasting healthy food...right now I'm loving soybeans, raw and cooked and I also love Tabbouleh
The freedom and resources to homeschool my children and the ability for them to go to good schools when I don't
jobs that provide some source of fulfillment both relationally and creatively and fit our abilities
continuous opportunities that teach me to wait
wonderful pets that have found us
music for the children's worship time on Wednesday nights and rocking awesome women to come a long side me to serve the children
fuel efficient car
husbands knowledge of computers
children that make me laugh
children that want to make me laugh
friends that seek me out
middle school football coach that puts the game in the proper perspective
books that make me laugh and think and dream
trip to Prague

Honor

2011-09-09T12:24:00.002-04:00

On Monday, to honor the boys I have waited for 7 yrs for my boys to be friends with, I made cookies.
Elise wore her chef hat that Gramma gave her for her birthday, that I then took to work and embroidered.
But why did I have to wait 7 yrs for these boys to come over?
One of the first Sundays our family visited Eastside Community 7 years ago there was covered dish lunch afterwards. Me and my kids sat down with three kids about the same age. I asked them some general questions and they answered nice enough and it came up that they were public school kids. It also came up that they read....so I thought it was safe enough to ask them if they had read Harry Potter.
It wasn't safe.
They thought we were unsafe.
They have stayed away from us ever since.
Until last weekend.
Stewart invited them and a few others to play an airsoft war in the woods behind our church after the service last week.
Afterwards they wanted to hang out some more with us.
Monday they met back up at church to pick their fantasy football teams and then, said boys came back to our house.
I was taking a nap....practicing the soul training exercises from the book...when I woke up they were in my house playing video games and watching youtube.
I was so happy I made cookies.
I couldn't tell you the last time I made cookies.
Oatmeal Raisin with several batches that also had chocolate chips.
Not all of them had the chips because Josh enjoys them sans shock-o-lot.
The phonetic spelling doesn't look very cool does it?
The picture of Elise does look very cool doesn't it?
Josh took it with his new ....phone.
It was a $1.
We could either pay the city $30 a month to make personal calls on his work phone or add Josh to my plan and pay $25. We chose the cheaper route and Josh now has a new toy. He is very happy, he's wanted a phone he could play with for a long time.
I told the eldest brother the reason I made them cookies.
He thought I made cookies all the time and I couldn't have him going home telling his mother that so I told them they were in honor of his thinking we were safe enough to spend time with.
He said they've since read Harry Potter.
Then I think I saw the look in his eye that indeed, I still may not be safe.
Who rambles like this?
I do.
Thank you for stopping by.

Metanoia

2011-09-07T12:26:00.000-04:00

Two thoughts I had that prompted me to post:

I wish tea didn't make my face break out.
I'm glad I don't have a problem with sleep.

Last week I started reading Good Beautiful God by James Bryan Smith.
Tracy reccomended it.
I had never heard of it or the author.
I was suspiscious.
The first chapter was great, and I'm not saying that just because I already had the soul training exercise mastered before trying it.
It is nice to go through a book and the big challenge of the week you don't actually have as an issue.
At different times in my life I have even wondered if sleep was an idol in my life. Right now, at least, sleep isn't an idol but food very much is. Matter of fact right before I started writing this, I had a very fresh pita that was so good I wanted to eat the whole bag of pitas immediately. Even though I didn't eat more than I should this time I could spend the rest of this post talking about it.
Back to the book..
I am excited about this book because it carries on some ideas that Gloria and I discussed with Made to Crave.
"The will is more like a beast of burden that simply responds to the impulses of others."
"Change happens when these other influencers (mind, body, social context) are modified."
"We cannot change simply by saying,'I want to change.' We have to examine what we think (our narratives) and how we practice (the spiritual disciplines) and sho we are interacting with (our social context).
So the first soul training exercise was the spiritual discipline of sleep training. This week exercise is to spend 5 minutes a day in silence. I think I can do that. My problem is that either I fall asleep or my mind is not silent...that's why I need this training exercise I guess.
One of my favorite parts of chapter 1 was when Smith introduces how change has to happen in our minds. He quotes Jesus in his first sermon, "Repent (Metanoia), for the kingom of God is at hand." Smith then goes on to say "Metanoia refers to the changing of one's mind." He then references:

Romans 12:2 "Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your minds, so that you may discern what is the will of God --what is good and acceptable and perfect
Colossians 3:2 "Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things."
Philippian 2:5 "In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus"

Birthday Boldness/cheapness

2011-09-05T07:25:00.000-04:00

Jenette inspired me to make a barbie birthday cake for Elise's birthday last week. I have no idea of she got the sparkling sugar on her cake so beautifully, mine just wouldn't stick. The places it did stick were beautiful. Thank you Jenette for encouraging me to try my hand at something I didn't think I could do.
While I was making the cake I had a question rumbling through my mind...
Should I be making a barbie cake with teenage boys in the house...naked barbie with icing covering her top parts and cake that was going to be cut away covering her bottom parts? I told myself not to worry about it, but sure enough comments were made about how to get the icing off barbie when we were cutting into the cake and exposing Barbie's d'arrière.
But the cake was good. I used the Swan's Down Cake Flour 1-2-3-4 Cake Recipe. For the icing I used the a simple pwdr sugar & butter recipe.
Elise specifically asked (several times) for an insulated tumbler like the starbucks one that Cathron got me a couple of years ago. I think she would have been happy if that was all she got. I found a floral one at Steinmart for $5. She also got an American Girl doll carrier that I found for $.95 at the Veterans Thrift store. Living Social Deals had a $10 deal for $20 worth of stuff at Learning Express toys so I picked up a Melissa and Doug sticker/paper doll pad and a mermaid doll for her there. It was a pretty inexpensive birthday, we'll see if I can do as well with Stewart's birthday next week and John-Thomas's birthday in another couple of weeks.

2011-08-28T07:18:00.000-04:00

Read Job 38-41 in preperation for this mornings Sunday School lesson.
Amazing.
I recognized quite a few lines from songs in those passages.
The ABC's of God didn't look like it was going to be that great of a curriculum for our 1-2 cnd grade classes but so far I am thrilled.

Wacky Wednesday

2011-08-24T15:38:00.002-04:00

It seems like every time I hear this song it resonates with me. The part in yello connects with what we read in our Made to Crave book. The first two stanzas connects with what I've heard my sister and brother-in-law say about thoughts they have had since Stephen died and it seems like it connects with what Josh says on a semi-regular basis about the way he feels.
The part that is blue is encouraging to me because it reminds again that this life/movie is not about me...which is from the Francis Chan Book Crazy Love.
The summer of 2010 Big Daddy Weave performed after one of the Jacksonville Suns baseball games and I really wasn't impressed with them but still occasionally enjoy their songs. I thought about putting a picture in between each stanza like Sherri does sometimes (which I have copied shamelessly) but there wasn't enough time today to do that.

I freaked out today because I thought I had missed E&E's appt. for physicals but it turns out it is tomorrow, seems like this school thing is all consuming and I would rather be on prozac if I'm going to be this tired from running at crack a dawn thirty but I have "the power of the hand of the universe".
Which brings me to my prayer for you today. I thanked God that he made you victorious today and that you were able to extinguish all the fiery darts of the enemy and that you would take up the shield of faith and fight with strength knowing that the Lord is with you. Amen

I wish I was more of a man
Have you ever felt that way
And if I had to tell you the truth
I’m afraid I’d have to say
That after all I’ve done and failed to do
I feel like less than I was meant to be

What if I could fix myself
Maybe then I could get free
I could try to be somebody else
Who’s much better off than me
But I need to remember this
That it’s when I’m at my weakest
I can clearly see

He made the lame walk and the dumb talk
He opened blinded eyes to see
That the sun rises on His time
Yet He knows our deepest desperate need
And the world waits while His heart aches
To realize the dream
I wonder what life would be like if we let Jesus life thru you and me

What if you could see yourself thru another pair of eyes
What if you could hear the truth
Instead of old familiar lies
What if you could feel inside
The power of the hand that made the universe You’d realize All our hearts they burn within us
All our lives we’ve longed for more
So let us lay our lives before the one who gave His life for us

First Day of School

2011-08-22T09:34:00.001-04:00

I got everything done on my list and then some last week.
Except...
When I got out my roll of fabric to make the duvet covers I found that it was not one continuous piece of fabric and the way it was cut prevented me from making two covers like I had hoped. So instead of sewing I had to go to JoAnns to get more fabric. Maybe this week I'll get to it while I'm homeschooling....RIGHT?!
If that wasn't enough of a goal, I found these cute turtles to sew this morning.
Why I need to sew some turtles I have no idea.
Instead I should repair my place mats where the ruffle edge is coming off.

Two Saturdays ago when I drove to Walterboro S.C. to meet my dad to get the kids back from camp I listened to Steven Curtis Chapman's cd Beauty Will Rise. I would not recommend this as a casual listen. If you need a good tear jerker and are feeling like you can't get a good cry on then put this in. Or if you want a regular reminder of what your sister is still feeling on a regular basis then put on the cd instead of waiting for the radio to play a song to remind you.
That's what I have done since the trip to get the kids.
If I listen it on the way to work or on the way home. My kids are quick to put it back to the radio when they get in the car.

2011-08-16T08:40:00.006-04:00

"Struggling with my weight isn't God's mean curse on me, but an outside indication that internal changes are needed for me to function and feel well." Lisa Terkeurst, Made to Crave

To do list for this week

Read chapters 14, 15, 16 in made to crave to discuss with my sisterfriends.
Decorate bulletin board in Sunday School Classroom
spend an hour at my desk at the Main Library preparing for end of August Teens Make a Difference Internship Program meeting
Make duvet covers for boys bedroom
meet with Susan and Tracy to discuss the next book we are going through.
Plan out the 9 weeks of Children's choir/worship
Set up the bookshelves for Emmett and Elise's schoolbooks that have already started arriving for Virtual School
Give Bayly a haircut
Take Elise ice-skating
Normal, weekly housecleaning and laundry and grocery shopping and running a kazillion miles with neighbor at 5 am

Already done this week

weekly lunch with my aunt, took dogs and they got a bath/river dunk
set up meetings with all my sister friends
found someone to help with children's choir and set up that get together
date with husband

Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Galatians 6 : 9

Giveaway

2011-08-10T08:19:00.001-04:00

Hey, I need to go to the store today and before I did I checked out Frugal Fun and Fortune to see if there were any coupon match ups that I needed to be aware of before I went.
Most of the time I am not in the mood to enter giveaways but today kinda got me excited.
There was a purse giveaway from Cassidys Cottage.
I don't change my purse very often, mainly just when I travel. Last night I emptied the purse I took on our Czech trip and found my AirFrance refreshing towelette and it made me giddy.
Silly.
Okay, I really must dash off to Publix, we have a few Czech team members coming over for dinner and John-Thomas has 10th grade orientation today so it's not like I can sit around in my robe surfing the Internet all day.
Hope you have a lovely day!

Plans

2011-08-09T08:55:00.002-04:00

Plans for you to know me when you are dissapointed.

Plans for you to know me when your life is nothing like you imagined.

Plans for you to know me when you don't know what to do.

Plans for you to know me when the storms and waves come.

Plans for you to know me when you are wandering and don't know which direction to take.

Plans for you to know me when you rise and when you lay down and when you walk on the wayside.

Plans for you to not carry the burden alone.

The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him.

Lamentations 3 : 25

Blog Hopping

2011-08-02T07:55:00.002-04:00

Just another hang up

Once a week I get an email from all free sewing. Today's email was about 15 Quick Impressive Hostess Gifts...not that I give hostess gifts, it doesn't even occur to me and probably if it did I would rather stay at home than come up with a gift to give to the person who invited me over.
Side note
Once I invited someone from church over for lunch with her children and she brought me a hostess gift...it was a Mops flip calendar I think....it made me feel so awkward, I wasn't doing anything special, just had them over for lunch...I just wanted to be her friend, hostess gifts to me seem so formal...shows the circles I ran in. I do remember my uncle's Austrian wife always bringing something to whomever was cooking dinner but I always just associated it with Eva being giving, not as a requirement...which points out an obvious character flaw in myself...I must not be giving. I remember Jenette giving me a framed Flavia print, when she came to visit me once in Palm Bay after Emmett was born...Jenette is giving.
Off the rabbit trail now.
When I went to all free sewing and clicked on this idea, it took me here and here and this one I have looked at before and was so happy to look at again because it is adorable. These patterns are also lovely to look at but I know I will never make any of this stuff because I can't even keep my house clean let alone have time to sit and sew for hours on end...speaking of which, time to go do the dishes.

In spite of

2011-07-27T06:39:00.002-04:00

You became imitators of us and of the Lord; in spite of severe suffering, you welcomed the message with the joy given by the Holy Spirit. 1 Thessalonians 1 : 6

...in spite of severe suffering, you welcomed the message with joy...

the same songs are on my ipod that were on two years ago.

Sometimes when I'm listening to them I can remember sitting in the airport crying as I hear about Christ laying down his life.

but I welcomed His message with joy given by the Holy Spirit.

Did I?

I can say I sang of His mercies that lead me through sorrows to rivers of joy but I don't know if I welcomed the message with joy.

What would that look like?

He made me new

2011-07-25T08:43:00.001-04:00

Have I mentioned this trip was a dream come true?
Castle ruins
Countryside morning jogs
Beautiful Prague more lovely than any piece of fiction has ever described it.
Sharing my testimony of God's grace in Stephen's life and how that grace has wraped itself around my own beliefs.
I will sing of His mercies that lead me through sorrows to rivers of joy.

Pleasantries

2011-07-22T08:47:00.000-04:00

Yesterday while I was on FB a new friend from the Czech church in Celakovice started chatting with me.
She thanked me for sharing my testimony.
Her father-in--law had thanked me as well after camp when we went to his house for dinner.
I thought it was just pleasantries.
But no.
Three years ago her husband's brother had commited suicide and their mother found him.
She was pregnant with their second child, her husband went to help his mother.
Church people told them that since the brother committed suicide that he will not go to heaven.
I had said in the story that I shared that there were probably some church people that said Stephen did not do good enough to go to heaven.
It struck a chord with them.
I shared with them Ephesians 2:8
For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God.
She said they were still sad and it was hard to be happy.
But she wasn't the only one who had lost someone recently...
One of my students had also lost a brother five years ago in an auto accident and left behind a three year old son.
I wasn't sure before I left which testimony to God's grace I should share.
Several times I felt like I had affirmation that it was Stephen's story but I just wasn't sure.
Josh decided the day he was supposed to give his testimony that he was supposed to share our hurricane story. He had new perspectives on that time in our life after going through the Tim Keller Idols book that we discussed each afternoon at camp.
Not only did we share the gospel with those who were not believers yet but I my hope is that we encouraged those who were already believers, strengthened their faith and spurred them on to finish the race set before them.

Precious oil

2011-07-21T08:34:00.000-04:00

Unity
Psalm 33

1 Behold, how good and pleasant it is
when brothers dwell in unity!^a
2 It is like the precious oil on the head,
running down on the beard,
on the beard of Aaron,
running down on the collar of his robes!
3 It is like the dew of Hermon,
which falls on the mountains of Zion!
For there the Lord has commanded the blessing,
life forevermore.

Besides Josh and I, there were seven other people from our church that went to the Czech Republic.

We didn't really know much about any of them.

Some of them we liked and wished we had more time to spend with them but we didn't know their stories.

Marshall Brown, the missionary that lives in Celakovice kept remarking on our unity.

He kept saying how much that added to our mission.

At first I thought how wrong he was, we didn't even know each other!

But then after a couple of days I noticed that none of us were getting annoyed with each other, we were all having a good time together, we were praying the same prayers...on the last day Cathryn Brown even prayed the same verse that I had been thinking of minutes before and then the whole unity idea resonated with me. This is unity, we all have the same mind, the same scriptures are working in us.

By the end of the trip I did learn a lot more about the 7 others that joined us.

Walking up a mountain road, standing at the campfire handing out American products to make smores, wandering through the streets of Prague, sitting in airports....those were all excellent times to hear about their struggles and successes in life and appreciate their humor.

I laughed a lot.

There was a sweet oil running down our beards and the collar of our robes and it was precious indeed. That was the success of this trip.

We did see people's hearts changed, and I pray that they will continue to be drawn into the household of faith and join in with the family of faith worshipping in Celakovice.

John 13:35 "By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.”

1 John 4:7 "Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God."

2011-07-08T03:46:00.003-04:00

We were blessed to fly economy business from Atlanta to Prague. I think that meant we had more leg room but not the foot rests that 1st class enjoyed. My feet were swollen all day yesterday. But I did sleep, which may have been from the tylenol pm I took or the gin and tonic that was complimentary with our economy business. I was spoiled and unfortunately we do not have those seats on our flight home. The movie they showed was.....Jane Eyre! Can you believe it? I started watching it but the pm/gin took effect and I dozed off.
Arrival in Prague was uneventful, all our luggage was there, Marshall Brown was there to meet us and we were loaded in a nice new 8 passenger taxi and whisked through Prague to Celakovice, 45 minutes away.

Nothing was planned for the afternoon so after Josh and I picked up some bread, a pear and a Magnum bar we went for a walk. Right behind us came Kacie, Caroline and Lindsey so they entertained us for the next hour as we strolled along the Labe river.

We met up with the Pontigos, Matt and Brendon for dinner at nearby Pizza place and then walked to the Brown's church for a worship and prayer service. They sang one or two songs completely in Czech and three that were a mixture and ones that we were familiar with so even though they were all singing "Our God is an awesome God" in Czech we joined them in English. I've heard it before when people have taken mission trips that they say they imagine that's what heaven must be like. I thought it too. And since I have that wonderful disposition to now cry everytime I sing in church I was a great state to then get up and say my name and how I happened to come on the trip. All I said was my name and that I cry alot, then I sat down. Kathryn Brown said not her kids know that it isn't just her who does that. We connected I think.We're friends on FB now.
The Browns brought some little plums off their tree to the church and I must've eaten two handfuls.
We were back at the Business School where we're staying by 8.
The rest of the team went to bed but I asked Josh if we could sit outside for a little bit so we sat on the bench for an hour. A pimped out 4 wheeler circled the block a couple of times, Josh said I should take a picture of it but of course after I got my camera ready it didn't come by again.
This morning my watch alarm went off at 4:30 am...not my plan, I had set my phone alarm to go off at 6:30...stupid watch. It kept going off. By 5 I was out the door with my shoes on. Since I knew there was a good path by the river I headed there and jogged for 20 minutes and then headed back. Check that off the list for today.
Breakfast was tomotoes, soft cheese and turkey cold cuts. There was also yogurt, hazelnut wafer cookies, fresh bread and granola.

We aren't due to leave for camp until 2, I guess we'll wander around Celakovice some more, and buy some more bread. This will not be a low carb trip.

Finish line

2011-07-04T17:34:00.000-04:00

I have really come to dislike Sundays.
Every Sunday it is the same thing.
Worship music starts, I start crying because I am taken back to Stephen's death.
Even the music on the radio when we got home resonated.
Laura Story's Blessings ,
What if your blessings come through raindrops? What if your healing comes through tears? What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know you’re near?

Chris Tomlin's I will Rise
There’s a peace I’ve come to know
Though my heart and flesh may fail
There’s an anchor for my soul
I can say “It is well”
Jesus has overcome
And the grave is overwhelmed
The victory is won
He is risen from the dead

The message in church this morning was about sharing your testimony.
He stopped his message so we could turn to our neighbor and tell about the moment when we first believed and the people that were involved in that.
I've got nothing.
But....
Stephen did.
More tears.
So I'm thinking that I might share that story when we go to Czech. Each night we take turns sharing our testimony and I think my night is Thursday. Josh doesn't think I'll be able to get it out...he thinks I'll just break down crying with the translator standing beside me not knowing what to do. My original plan was to share a testimony of God's provision and faithfulness that we overwhelmingly experienced through the hurricanes. I guess I should print them both out.

Heart Beats

2011-06-27T07:50:00.002-04:00

Last week I got an email from our church administrator...
Would I be willing to read the scripture in the next service?
Heart beat increase...
"Okay," I said but "are you setting me up to read a verse about submission or keeping quiet?" I asked him....At our church in Palm Bay that is completely something Phil would have done.
So Thursday evening I get the scripture: Deut 6:1-16
I read through it once Thursday night and when I got to verse 10 I had a little hiccup.
with great and good cities that you did not build, 11 and houses full of all good things that you did not fill, and cisterns that you did not dig, and vineyards and olive trees that you did not plant
There is so much we are given either materially or spiritually that we are not responsible for!
Read it through again and it didn't have the same welling of emotion...whew I thought, that could be a problem.
I listened to it on the ESV online site and read it out loud and nary had one quivering thought.
Yeah, well it didn't end up that way when it was time for me to go up and read it.
For no reason what so ever I am nervous when I get up there and my heart is beating hard and fast, it feels hard to take a breath. Slow down I tell myself, breath I tell myself. But when I get to verse 10 my voice starts quivering, tears well up in my eyes and I have to pause to take a deep breath.
Nice recovery Stewart said.
I asked him how embarrassed I should be...he didn't want to answer that question.
Instead he said, "How does it relate to Stephen?'
For the past year and half he knows when tears well and I am all choked up it is because something has reminded me of Stephen so he was trying to figure out how cisterns related to him? It didn't but now that I think about it, it fits as well.
It's just part of the greater picture that nothing we have is ours, it all belongs to God to do all His Holy will with to His Glory and if we think for a minute that it is ours we are greatly mistaken.

Be confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.
Philippians 1 : 6

Garden Plans

2011-06-22T09:19:00.002-04:00

Third and Fourth Chapters of Made to Crave gave me more food for thought...HA, is it okay to have food for thought when you're discussing food issues?

"I can't wish blooms into place any more than I can wish fat away." I loved her analogy of wanting a garden and wanting to be thinner...both take work.

What thoughts, images, or emotions do you associate with the word plan?Are you the kind of person who says, "I love it when a plan comes together! or are you more likely to say, "Plan-schman, cant we all just go with the flow?

-Alright, as soon as I read this I realized I am so not a planner. I hate meal plans, life plans according to Stephen Covey, dress plans, vacation plans, money saving plans...yep, most every plan...maybe even memorizing the plan to salvation...I mean, yes I believe in Salvation and believe you should share your faith but...the whole plan idea makes me a little jumpy, scitterish, maybe even nauseous.
They feel restrictive, like the spanx I put on to look better in my clothes.
I never knew I had such an adverse reaction to plans.
Lists I like.
I have a list started this morning for things I need to do before we go on our Czech mission trip.
I have a list on the fridge of things I would like Josh to address in the house.
I have a list of songs that I would like to download.
But no plans.
Immediately this verse comes to mind:
Proverbs 15:21 Plans fail for lack of counsel,
but with many advisers they succeed.
Good thing I've got many advisers, just in case I do have a plan! The title of Chapter 4 is even "Friends don't let friends eat before thinking."
Plans make me feel discouraged because they seem impossible to carry out. And "desperation breeds degradation" according to Terkeurst.
Good thing chapter 1 dealt with the Tower of Impossibility.

Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. Be self-controlled and alert. 1Pter 5:7-8

When I want to eat and I have already eaten it has been easier to remember to take the bricks from my tower of impossibility and use them in my pathway to prayer. BUT, it is when everyone else is eating dessert that I find I don't even think or see the tower of impossibility...it is in a smokey haze like the one that covered Jacksonville yesterday.

The Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God's will.

Romans 8 : 26-27

Mountains

2011-06-15T08:19:00.002-04:00

You have circled this mountain long enough, now turn north. Deut.2:3
My ambitious soul sisters from church and I are going to plow through Made to Crave by Lysa Terkeurst this summer. We meet this morning.
I'm a slacker.
Bought the book yesterday.
Read chapter 1 last night, fell asleep.
I'm also an early riser.
Got up at 5 and read chapter 2 and flipped through the book.
At the end she has "Healthy Eating Scripts".
Deut. 2:3 really popped off the page for me.
I think it may be my summer verse.
Before I posted though, I wanted to read it in context.
Did you know there was a ESV Literary Bible online? (Well I didn't before I googled the verse. ) The overview of the chapter made me think that the verse might be taken out of context but then as I read on I stumbled over these words:
2:7" For the Lord your God has blessed you in all the work of your hands. He knows your going through this great wilderness. These forty years the Lord your God has been with you. You have lacked nothing.”
How many times have I felt unblessed?
How many times does the Lord my God seem to not be with me.
How many times do I feel lack?
But...
He knows my going through this great wilderness.
Heavy Sigh.
And so I am not disappointed in what I found and my soul is refreshed with the promises.
I am looking forward to walking through this book with Anne and Julie and thinking of my other soul sisters and wishing they were coming over today to discuss it too.

Visiting

2011-05-29T16:10:00.006-04:00

Most of the time when you visit a church they sing different songs than you are used to. Chances are that most of the songs sung will not be what you are familiar with and that can either make you uncomfortable or it can open your ears to a fresh word of truth.
In a old Midwest Boys and Girls Club Gymnasium I sat with a quiet spirit burdened with the passing of the first anniversary of my nephews death, waiting on God.
The sermon ends and preparations are made for communion. When the piano started it was like walking in the edge of the surf with the waves rippling on your ankles.
To hear at that moment of deep sorrow and waiting ...

Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree,
Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy.
When all of a sudden,
I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory,
And I realize just how beautiful You are,
And how great Your affections are for me.

And oh, how He loves us so,
Oh how He loves us,
How He loves us all
He loves us
Well, you know the tears came, and then that song was followed by Beautiful things
All this pain
I wonder if I’ll ever find my way
I wonder if my life could really change at all
All this earth
Could all that is lost ever be found
Could a garden come up from this ground at all
and every time I hear those songs I am right back in that gym, reminded that He knows our sorrow, He knows our loss and He is making it into something beautiful. Life is being found, not just in Stephen's life which is now being shared gloriously with Christ but Life is being found in me.
This week I have questioned why we need to be made better, why can't we just be who we are, why do we need to be stronger? What if we don't want to be stronger? Ah, sanctification...haven't written about it in a while.
In our easy American life we forget that beautiful things are made out of dust and work and pain.

He wants to make us in His image, to be his portion, it IS better to be closer to Jesus and be made like him and if these horrible things do that, then that is what we need. Sometimes God withholds something from us (like the life of a family member) because it is good for us.
Can I trust God?
Can I trust God to withhold something for me because it is good for me or will I bemoan it?
Do I believe that God has the best for me and he had the best for Stephen. I believe He is still teaching me that only the Blood of Christ is sufficient for my salvation or that of anyone I know or will come across on this journey. There is nothing else I need to do or have to make that true.

Stewart wants to download some songs for me and I had forgotten about the David Crowder song until I pulled in my driveway today and it came on the radio...immediately I was right back in Exodus Church and the tears were right there welling.
And the promises of God remain unchanging.

I have given you authority to trample on snakes and scorpions and to overcome all the power of the enemy; nothing will harm you.
Luke 10 : 19

Nothing will harm us...Nothing, that's a good promise too.

Hospitality

2011-05-28T10:25:00.000-04:00

What keeps me from hospitality?
Melanie's post has prompted some pretty strong feelings.
I do remember the cleanliness of my both of my grandmother's homes. I remember the cleanliness of my aunt's house....I remember my sister tracking dirt from her sneakers onto my aunt's newly mopped floor. I remember helping my aunt vacum when I stayed with her one summer and helping my step-mother clean when I stayed with her. So I am all to aware that there are some people who do place value in a clean house.
We have two/three cats and two dogs. I say it that way because one cat was here when we moved in and she comes and goes as she pleases but still contributes to the dirt and hair. Turns out that some of the people that I would love to invite over are allergic to cats...even though I did a VeRy thorough cleaning a whole week leading up to one of them coming over they still were miserable. When I hear of women and men who are cleaning machines it cements the idea even more into my head that these people would not be comfortable in my home and it would be a miserable experiance for us both. Just this week I heard that from a friend I had coffee with and promptly checked them off the list of people that would be good to have over. There are people that have mentioned that they would like to come over and I have given them an open invitation to stop by any time they want with no warning but they won't take me up on it. A friend did stop by out of the blue last week but that is only the second time that has happened in the 6 years we have lived here. I have no problem whatsoever with dropins...in means they don't care what state the house is in. When we were in Tallahasse and then Palm Bay, we used to call out "Man your battlestations" when someone called to say they were around the corner and then we would wipe down the bathroom sink, clean off chairs/tables and make it less messy.
And you know, even though Melanie says she hasn't dusted in two weeks, I've been to her house, it is still tidy...you know why I know this...because I used to just drop in on her. I miss that. In 6 years I've had no one to just drop in on. My life in Palm Bay was not free from struggle but there are some things I miss about it and one of those things was giving and recieving hospitality.

Since I sent the camera with Josh and the kids this morning when they left to visit his family for the weekend(I have to work tonight and teach SS tomorrow)I couldn't take pictures of what you'd see if you dropped in right now. I pulled the Welcome image from here. Oddly enough, she too was talking about hospitality. Evidently she says you have to plan for it. Or maybe I'm don't have " purposeful selflessness." So there we have it, I guess I'm just a grump now that we've moved to Jacksonville and if I would just change then the masses would flock. Who knows, I wish I could turn the tone of this post into something light hearted and wonderful but I really feel it going down the drain...it's like watching a train wreck....Quick turn your head, avert disaster, run from my blog now before you're brought down! Now I'm feeling all Lemony Snicket. I love it when a Chidren's Book comes into reference...

July Plans

2011-05-26T11:09:00.000-04:00

"Hot July brings cooling showers,
Apricots and gillyflowers."
- Sara Coleridge, Pretty Lessons in Verse

In January, my boss at HomeTown Threads Embroidery Shop mentioned that she was training me to help run the shop while she went to a trade show in Atlanata, July 16-20. She was planing on taking Lori, the friend that got me the job. In March we found out Josh's Aunt from Massachusettes would be down for a vist starting July 16th. Last month I was offerend another grant underwritten program to co-ordinate with a training in New Orleans on July 15-17th. Last Sunday Josh was asked if he and I would like to join the Czech Republic English Camp trip this summer, with a full scholarship from July 6-19. We'd be working with the Browns who have run this camp every summer for 10+years.

Each possibility was exciting until the next one came along, each person had the understanding that I would meet their expectations.

The Lord gives and the Lord taketh away, Blessed be the name of the Lord.

Last night my friend Lori stopped by out of the blue.
No one ever stops by my house.
I had made plenty for dinner so we all invited her to stay.
In a round about way I told her about all the July plans.
She offered to stay and work for me.
I told her she couldn't, she needed a break from caring for her wheelchairbound/dementia/aging mother.
She said she if she needed a break, she'd take one.
We went back and forth.
(I had to because Josh said Lori shouldn't even be told...he wanted no guilt involved....I took Lori coming over as a possible sign)
So today I fill out my passport form. It expired in 2000.
We'll pay to get it expedited.
What next?

Lunch Break

2011-05-24T12:22:00.003-04:00

summer by gideonmommasita featuring tortoise shell sunglasses

At first I thought I was just wasting my time and then I thought that this is my lunch break and then it was okay.

Ahhh, justification/procrastination.

I couldn't decide which shoes went with the dress so I just put them all on there...maybe none of them match?

ADD Home cleaning

2011-05-18T14:31:00.000-04:00

This morning I didn't want to clean...
So I rearranged bookcases, something I kinda started the other day and didn't finish. Elise is on the border between picture books and beginning chapter books. The other day I sorted through the books and left a stack on the floor in the boys room for Elise and a stack to donate.
Today I took the Encyclopedias off the hall shelf and moved them into the boys room to make room for Elise's next level.
With some odds and ends still sitting around I started in on the filing cabinet. The top was a disgrace with pens and pencils all askew and the files needed a good purging...out came the shredder and Elise and Emmett had some shredding fun for all of 5 minutes until it got old.
With that the file cabinet still not tidied up I took off the dinning room swag and threw it in the washing machine with the rest of the whites .
Since I was in the kitchen the dishes yelled at me and so I tackled them...Emmett and Elise had reheated leftovers for lunch and sectioned some grapefruit so there was a sink FuLL.
Still haven't touched my room...anything but my room...ACCKKK!
And really want I want to be doing is out mowing the lawn because it is soooo beautiful outside.
I think I need some ADD medicine on days like today.

Promises

2011-05-10T08:53:00.000-04:00

Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy. 1 Peter 1:8

It's hard to know when to validate feelings.

Yesterday while driving I heard the whole Focus on the Family broadcast "Hope in the midst of Infertility". Specifically they were talking about miscarriages and validating the feelings of loss that come with losing an unborn baby. And while most of the program had tears in my eyes as I remembered my own miscarriages and then my sister's miscarriages their discussion on grief also hit home as it relates to Stephen. People who have not experienced a loss through death can not understand what is like and often say things that are not helpful when all that is needed is for someone to come alongside. One couple said it had been 8 years and they still weren't over it but no one wanted to hear about their grief anymore. Then one of the ladies said she just chooses not to go there and I don't remember the rest of her explanations. I wish they would have stressed to keep focusing on God's truth in their life instead of their ongoing loss.
I might have forgotten about that teary eyed 20 minute drive out to my aunt's yesterday except for my verse of the day.
Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy. 1 Peter 1:8

The promises of God has been the focus/lesson/ theme for this whole year of k-2 Sunday School lessons. When I read the verse this morning not feeling like I had inexpressible and glorious joy I wondered if this was a promise....this isn't a feeling this is a promise, is it true? Well of course it's true because it's God's word and no matter what I think I feel like ...I am filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy.
This past Sunday as I displayed each of the promises we have gone over this year I knew there was a post waiting to be written but I didn't think it go this way.

What if

2011-05-02T13:42:00.010-04:00

This song has been grabbing hold of me lately and I wondered if it might ring true with you too? I have been hearing bits and pieces the last couple of weeks and Saturday when I was getting close to home I heard the beginning of it and listened closely. By the time I got to the house tears were in my eyes.

We pray for blessings

We pray for peace

Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
All the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things

Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops

What if Your healing comes through tears

What if a thousand sleepless nights

Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

We pray for wisdom

Your voice to hear

And we cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough
All the while, You hear each desperate plea
And long that we'd have faith to believe

Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops

What if Your healing comes through tears

What if a thousand sleepless nights

Are what it takes to know You’re near
And what if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

When friends betray us

When darkness seems to win

We know the pain reminds this heart
That this is not, this is not our home,
It's not our home

Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops

What if Your healing comes through tears

And what if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy
And what if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are Your mercies in disguise

From this album

The story behind Laura Story writing this song.
Another good song by her.

Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened.
Matthew 7 : 7-8
What kind of blessings are you asking for?

servitude

2011-04-26T11:13:00.002-04:00

Helen: "Read the New Testament, and observe what Christ says, and how he acts; make his word your rule, and his conduct your example."

Jane: "A new servitude! There is something in that," I soliloquised (mentally, be it understood; I did not talk aloud). "I know there is, because it does not sound too sweet; is it not like such words as Liberty, Excitement, Enjoyment: delightful sounds truly; but now more than sounds for me; and so hollow and fleeting that it is mere waste of time to listen to them. But Servitude! That must be a matter of fact. Any one may serve: I have served here eight years; now all I want is to serve elsewhere. Can I not get so much of my own will? Is not the thing feasible? Yes --yes--the end is not so difficult; if I had only a brain active enough to ferret out the means of attaining it."

"Reader I married him."

I love Jane Eyre.
At some point in my pursuit of an English Degree I am sure I read it. When I read it this month though, only some of it was familiar. Some have said how depressing this book is but I found it so encouraging of Christian good triumphing self righteousness and evil and the bad hard things that anyone could encounter in this broken life we have been given because of the fall.
Today I ordered my own copy. I'm sure I had my own at some time but in one of my desperate attempt to purge I must have decided that I didn't need it. The copy I checked out from the library is The Modern Library Classics edition and in the back it has the chapter by chapter scriptural references and it also has book club discussion questions at the back. To be honest though, the questions seem more like topics to write a college essay on instead of a discussion...maybe my discussions are too shallow, or my brain to mushy to be able to site verse and page of basis for my argument.
Today I have to return my copy to the library but on Thursday my own should come in the mail and I can write in it to my hearts content and then maybe I could formulate some answers to the questions.

Peeps

2011-04-26T10:53:00.000-04:00

For at least the past 8 years I have made Ressurection Rolls on Easter morning. Two weeks ago I bought the marshmellows and crescent rolls in preperation. Easter morning I got up at 5:30 to get everything prepped and....No Marshmellows to be found in the kitchen. For 30 minutes I go through my kitchen, I wake Josh up and he gives it a good look too.
Gone.
Josh said that since one of the kids most likely ate the said marshmellows they didn't need the rolls anyway. But I had already laid out the crescent rolls and melted the butter...what to do?
Peeps are marshmellows right?
They worked great.
The kids didn't need peeps in their Easter baskets anyway.
Elise didn't remember why they were called ressurection rolls so I told her what it all meant and we had a special time in the kitchen.
Tip on the ressurection rolls if you should ever make them...
Cook them in muffin tins sprayed with pam, they maintain their shape and tomb like hole fabulously.

Happy Birthday

2011-04-22T08:38:00.001-04:00

I wasn't planning on posting today but when I ran across this blog and all the lovely Anthropologie knock off necklaces she had made I wanted to share the love.
Today is Josh's birthday, Good Friday and Earth Day.
I have heard all week that it is Holy Week but the impact of that fact has not been felt deeply.
Why? All week when I realize that the importance of this special week was lost on my soul I tried to figure out why. Besides saying that I was backslidden I chocked it up to this crazy season in my life. Fortunately last Sunday when I excused myself from the K-2 Sunday School Class and hid out in another room with a friend I was encouraged to find out I was not alone in this season... evidently she is on the same rotation of the earth.
It's not time to pack up the winter clothes yet...may have to run to the store for added layers.
This week I find out my straight A honor student is getting a D and he was hiding it from me and I was offered another job.
Can anyone say, Thermal Time?
The second job would only be three 6 week engagements overseeing the Prime Time Family Reading Time for the Jacksonville Public Library. If I took it, I might get to go to New Orleans for training.

I finished Jane Eyre this week and would love to do a Bible Study based on the book and discuss the theological components of the book. There are some neat discussions here. Susan, Tracy and I wanted to go see the movie but thought it would be fun to read it first...unfortunately the movie isn't playing in Jacksonville...What's up with That?

Last night on FB I saw that Amazon had Third Day's newest album Move on sale for $5 and after I went to Amazon I looked at the

Customers Who Bought This Item Also Bought

and this album looked like something I might like so I clicked on it and there was a song that has moved me to tears when I heard it on the radio. So of course I went to YouTube and teared up some more.

You Make Beautiful Things

You make Beautiful Things out of Dust

You make Beautiful things out of Us.

And that will end my Holy Week.

Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful.
Colossians 3 : 15

Elvis and Job

2011-04-14T09:47:00.001-04:00

Several years ago, Josh's Aunt Mickey asked someone she knew to speak at her funeral, she may have asked her church friends as well. None of us asked.
I don't know if Aunt Mickey always went to church or if she started going about 15 years ago.We don't know how she came to know the Lord.
I remember her telling me about how she always sat on the last pew at Winter Beach Southern Baptist. When they got a new pastor he tried taking out her pew to get her to move forward.
Not too long after she started going there a lady named Janet started sitting with her and they would meet once or twice a week to pray together. Pray for the family. Janet knew all of our names even though she had never met us. Without choking up or tears she got up and told us about Aunt Mickey's faith and prayers. Some of us she prayed for more than others....to which we all laughed.

All of us were a little uncomfortable with what the minister said.
Job 19:25-27 For I know that my redeemer liveth, and that he shall stand at the latter day upon the earth:
And though after my skin worms destroy this body, yet in my flesh shall I see God:
Whom I shall see for myself, and mine eyes shall behold, and not another;"
We all agreed it was an odd passage to read at a funeral....
The minister explained what a redeemer was and who Aunt Mickey's redeemer was and then we listened to Elvis singing Amazing Grace.

We drove to the Winter Beach cemetery from Vero Beach where Josh, his brother, dad, 2cnd and third cousins actually carried the casket to the grave site.

The day of the viewing I was thinking rather sorrowfully about the last funeral I went to and the day after Aunt Mickey's funeral I thought about the ones to come. Today has enough sorrow for itself I don't need to borrow from tomorrow. But I guess if I want Elvis played at my funeral I should let someone know.....that's a post for another day.

Surely God is my salvation; I will trust and not be afraid. The Lord, the Lord, is my strength and my song; he has become my salvation. With joy you will draw water from the wells of salvation.

Isaiah 12 : 2-3

Share the love

2011-04-06T07:28:00.000-04:00

This morning I opened up my blog for my verse of the day and then decided to see what was up on Anna Marie Horner. Besides seeing my dream attic on her post I also saw a link to where she got her cool file cabinets. Now, I don't have a place for any of those cool file cabinets until Josh's dad wins the lottery and we build my dream attic but I could use one of their bookcases. That reminded me of all the great tips I have been thankful lately and have used in the past week.

Grating Butter when softend butter is called for in a recipe is the best tip and I use it regularly with many thanks to Robin.
Sanding my nails before painting them is another tip that I have been given and I wish I knew who from....I tried it last week and the nail polish actually stayed on, I may be painting my nails more regularly now!
Cleaning amber with Olive Oil...got that tip from the jewelry lady on one of the cruises. (Actually haven't done cleaned it this week but did think about cleaning it last night.)
Vaseline around the hairline when coloring my hair, got that tip from the barber's wife who used to cut the boys' hair in Melbourne.

Thats all I have to time for right now, it's time to take the boys to school.

2011-04-03T08:06:00.001-04:00

Last week I went to the UF/FSU baseball at the Jacksonville baseball grounds.
Do I know anything about baseball...not much more than after you hit the ball and run all the bases you score.
Why do I like to go?
It's a place to talk for two and a half hours...with enough action to fill in the gaps.

Susan, "Are you going to be 38 this year?"
Me....groan,"No, 39....I will FORTY next year."
Susan,"Really? I didn't know you were 4 years older than me, I thought you were going to be 38."
Me...groan, "No, 39."
Susan, "We should go on a cruise next year, where do you want to go?"
Much Seminole chopping later by me (not so much gator chomping by Susan or Tracy) we head home and as I get out of the car Josh asks how the game was? I turn back and ask Susan to remind me what the score was? Oh, that's right 5-2 (Josh saw me typing and wanted me to included that little bit...he thinks I was rubbing it in but really I forgot...really.
A couple of nights later after too much caffine I checked into how much a cruise would cost a year from now?.....$279 for a 4 night.
When my dad was paying for them I felt it was a extravagant but he would've spent the same money on summer camp for the boys so somehow we were able to justify it.

But now?

We're on the last two chapters of Crazy Love, Susan, and I.
The whole book challenges the reader to respond to God's love in the same manner in which it is given.
Chan writes, " I cannot say in this book, "Everyone is supposed to be a missionary"....What I can say is that you must learn to listen to obey God, expecially in a society where it's easy and expected to do what is most comfortable."
Am I doing what's most comfortable?
"Most of us use, "I'm waiting for God to reveal His calling on my life" as a means of avoiding action. Did you hear God calling you to sit in from of the television yesterday? Or go on your last vacation? Or exercise this morning? ....we are quick to rationalize our entertainment and prioties yet are slow to commit to serving God."

Good thing Susan and Tracy are reading the same thing, we'll see if the reach the same conclusion.
"When he, the Spirit of truth, comes, he will guide you into all truth." -John16:13

oh, my aching back

2011-03-23T10:50:00.000-04:00

Monday the new child safety seat guidelines were published and they say that a child has to be in a booster seat until they are 4 feet 9...Elise is4 feet 3 inches. (she is 6)
Looking for a tutorial for a booster seat cover pattern I found these websites:
Prudent Baby
Sprial Owl Creations
Simpsonized crafts

I am also gearing up to make an easy dress for Elise. I've printed one pattern and now I just need to break out the sewing machine. Yesterday I spent time looking for more patterns and I should have just been cutting out material. That's how I waste time. Today I don't think I've wasted time.

Between dropping off Stewart and dropping off John-Thomas I heard a song on the radio that I wanted to write about and then the song after that fit what I was thinking but I haven't had time to put it down. I need to make time. Saturday I met with a friend who thinks she is done running a marathon and doesn't want to run another...what I've been thinking is that her marathon isn't over but Grace....

Good Eats

2011-03-14T12:04:00.000-04:00

Last week I made this and it was one of the best desserts I have ever made. Of course I didn't follow the recipe exactly...instead of the creamcheese icing on top I did a layer of cool whip with the lime zest and coconut...hmmmm good!
Yesterday I made our favorite oriental slaw...
1/2 cup of apple cider vinegar
1/3 cup of sugar
3 big dallops of mayo
couple handfuls of almonds run through the slicer on the food processor
couple handfuls of chopped sweet peppers
a handful of chopped purple onion
crushed up bag of oriental noodles
can of mandarin oranges drained
bunch of chopped cabbage (1/2 bag or so from Sams)
Yum...just finished the leftover for lunch.
Now to decide what to have for dinner.
I think it will be crock pot chicken and rice..I need to get that going!
What are you having for dinner, or have you made a yummo dessert lately?

Valleys of Sorrow

2011-03-08T07:21:00.003-05:00

Last week was my turn to teach the 1-3rd graders for Sunday School. We have a funky rotation with three teachers. This week the promise focused on was
God will always be with you
Isaiah 43:2
When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;
and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you;
when you walk through fire you shall not be burned,
and the flame shall not consume you.

There was a wonderful illustration of a Mansion on a hilltop with valleys and rivers and rocks and obstructions between it and a shack on a hill top on the other side. The person is the mansion desperately loves the person in the shack and wants them to come live with him.
How is the person in the shack going to get to that mansion?

Second illustration
How did you learn to ride your bike? Did your parents let you fall?
Didn't they love you?
I asked the kids Why did your parents do that to you?
Micah A. said, "so you will get better."

Here starts the tears, the tears that had started the night before when I didn't know how I was going to get through the lesson....merely because the rest of the lesson focused around Stephen.
Stephen?
Every time I read about the Stephen of the Bible I always thought of my nephew Stephen and used to hope against hope that he wouldn't die that way. And he didn't but he did die.
God was with the Stephen of the New Testament even though he went through a very rough patch which is what the lesson was about. I didn't have to teach that though because in God's infinite wisdom He had one of the other teachers also prepare for the lesson. I was going to let her teach the whole lesson (because she is better anyway) but she said for me to take the first half and she would take the second half. She decided that it was a harsh lesson to teach to the kids and so she used the story of Joseph and how his brothers meant to harm him but God meant it for good.
Oh I am so thankful that God is with us through the valleys, He has not left us alone and that there is something so much greater than the rocks and briers and thorns along this journey and if I can just fix my eyes on that then I will be inordinately better off.
Hand in hand with that Sunday school lesson is this Jars of Clay song that played on my ipod this past Saturday when I got done with my jog and was on it again this morning as I headed out:

Valley Song Lyrics

You have led me to the sadness
I have carried this pain
On a back bruised, nearly broken
I'm crying out to you

Chorus
I will sing of Your mercy
That leads me through valleys of sorrow
To rivers of joy

When death like a Gypsy
Comes to steal what I love
I will still look to the heavens
I will still seek your face

But I fear you aren't listening
Because there are no words
Just the stillness and the hunger
For a faith that assures

Chorus x2

Alleluia, alleluia
Alleluia, alleluia

While we wait for rescue
With our eyes tightly shut
Face to the ground using our hands
To cover the fatal cut

And though the pain is an ocean
Tossing us around, around, around
You have calmed greater waters
Higher mountains have come down

Chorus

Yeah

Alleluia, alleluia
Alleluia, alleluia

Alleluia, alleluia alleluia, alleluia
Alleluia, alleluia alleluia, alleluia

Chorus (4 Xs)

Oh, Lord sing of Your mercy,
Mercy

We rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.

Romans 5 : 3-4

After the dazzle of Day

2011-03-02T12:50:00.003-05:00

AFTER the dazzle of day is gone,
Only the dark, dark night shows to my eyes the stars;
After the clangor of organ majestic, or chorus, or perfect band,
Silent, athwart my soul, moves the symphony true.
Walt Whitman

I mentioned that we listened to the Aurora County All Stars by Deborah Miles when we made our way down to see my husband's family this past weekend. Elise, Emmett and I finished the book on tape today and it had me crying in parts.

I LOVE CHILDREN'S LITERATURE!!!
The book was "performed" by Kate Jackson...loved her in Charlie Angles and what was that housewife detective show she used to be on?
At any rate, the story had real kids that weren't trying to save the world on their own and didn't seem disrespectful to their parents and had wonderful names:

House Jackson and his little sister, Honey; Cleebo Wilson; Parting “Pip” Schotz; Mr. Norwood Rhinehart Beauregard Boyd

Each chapter started with a baseball quote and I'm not sure but I think every chapter had a Walt Whitman quote. Makes me want to search my book shelves for Leaves of Grass.
Oh, if you live in the South, love books, have a boy or a girl have someone old in your life, have someone that has died recently, or every had a conflict in your childhood then this book will be a delight.

This post has been interrupted my mom insanity of finding clean laundry strewn all over her son's room.
Initially said hysterical mom went in room in search of The Summer Folk book which is illustrated by the same person who did the book I found yesterday. I will not be finishing this post like I had planned because I need to find some prosac...which is contradictory to the wonderful radio spot I heard yesterday by Beth Moore about Coping and not self-medicating......did you hear it?
All I hear is nuclear bombs going off in my head right now...will try to have some peace talks.

Though I walk in the midst of trouble, you preserve my life; you stretch out your hand against the anger of my foes, with your right hand you save me.

Psalm 138 : 7 |

Trying

2011-02-28T07:11:00.000-05:00

http://shabbyblogs.com/

Not only have I reduced the number of posts I've been writing I've also quit taking pictures.
What's up with that?
This morning I woke up before 6 again and decided that I should find out what happened to the ShabbyBlog button I had on my sidebar...found the cute birdies in the process. I love their designs!

Saturday we left the house at 6:30 a.m. to drive down to the Grant Seafood Festival. Driving down I read a Laurie King novel...which was not part of her Mary Russell series and not as good. A perk from being in the Library so much is that I finally remembered to check out a book on tape for Emmett and Elise. They listened to the Aurora All-Stars. After a day of watching people drink large quantities of beer and eat their weight in Fried Shrimp, Scallops, Clams, Oysters, Calamari, while listening to Southern Rock very loud we went to celebrate Josh's grandmother's birthday at her house. I tried to eat the fish dinner...it was too fishy so I ate the cherry tomatoes I brought in my bag and drank the flavored water. Sunday morning we had pancakes and came home in time for me to shower and go to work.
Maybe I shouldn't have gone to work..
Ruined my first shirt.
Put it on the embroidery machine wrong and it sewed the design on the front joined to the back.
I am trying to tell myself that, after 3 months it's pretty good that it's the first shirt I ruined but it would be nicer to say that I didn't ruin any!
I had a dream last night that I met Beth Moore in Texas at a church and we sang "What can wash away my sins?"
Did you have any crazy dreams last night

When

2011-02-25T06:08:00.000-05:00

52weeksofux.com

Over the past year my blog posts have happened for the most part on Monday mornings after I have driven the boys to school. More often than not is was sparked by a song I heard on the radio. Sometimes I even made notes while I'm driving...guess I should go back to doing that?
I thought this moring since I woke up before 6 I could sneak in a quick post but I've already run out of time.
Today is Friday, I volunteer in the office of Builders Care and then at 3 I go to my Teens Make a Difference job. I've been to the Webb-Wesconnect Library, Argyle, Main, University and today I go to Regency Library to check on my teen interns. Exhale
This blogging business is muy importante and I don't want you to think I've quit.

Burning Bush

2011-02-06T13:54:00.002-05:00

Emmett woke up at 4 a.m. with his third bout of intestinal virus. Josh took the first two this week because they happened in the wee hours before my jogging day with my neighbor and I knew if I got up with him ...then I either wouldn't jog at all.... or walk most of it.
Not that I didn't hear the whole sickness goings on....and I still had to take out the canine members of the family.... once someone gets up, they feel the need to step outside for a brisk walk around the yard.
That being said, the thought crossed my mind this morning that we would skip Sunday School this morning...after all there are 3 other teachers for the class I help with, and it was not my Sunday to teach. But go we did.
Good thing #1 of going was that two of the other ladies did not show up this morning and Kelly needed another warm body in the room.
Good thing #2...and is really the Mighty Good thing of the morning:
2Chronicles 16:9a
"For the eyes of the LORD move to and fro throughout the earth that He may strongly support those whose heart is completely His.
Phil 4 :13
I can do all thingsthrough him who strengthens me.

Kelly asked if the bush spoke to Moses?
Noooooo the kids replied, God spoke to him.
God told Moses to go back to Egypt, that He would be with Moses and strengthen him.
(I know this story, you know this story...starting to tune out at this point?)
Again and again God showed his mighty power and ability through turning the staff to a snake, the leprous hand, etc...
Moses still said he couldn't do it.
God did not get angry with Moses, he showed grace and mercy and sent him Aaron.

At this point huge tears welled up in my eyes as God reminded me of his work in my sister's life and my role as Aaron. God told her she could make it through the year anniversary, He had shown her over and over in her life His might and ability to sustain and give her strength. In His providence though he prompted me to buy a airplane ticket for that final trek into Egypt. I have not felt much like Aaron these past two months and hopefully I haven't been off building any golden calves...and hopefully I can continue to support and share strength to my sister and she speaks to the Pharaohs in her life.

Nails and Flowers and Skirts

2011-02-03T20:16:00.001-05:00

I've been reading He chose the Nails by Max Lucado in my in between/wait times and have really been blessed by all the theology I have learned since a child being so wonderfully woven together in a connected way that is a good reminder of what I already knew but still don't...do you know?

Today I was the guest of my neighbor/friend/landlord at the Riverside Garden Club program on Ichibana.

The speaker showed several techniques in the Japanese Flower Arranging technique and then we took a short break for lunch....White Chile (thought of Robin) with a leafy green salad which were grown by one of the garden club ladies and then there was this FanTabulous dessert that was a cross between bread pudding with chocolate chips and a blonde brownie and a cookie bottom...Holy Schmolies....I made a pig out of myself and at EVERYTHING...I'm sure I embarrassed MaryAnne, I didn't think of that until just now. Oh my...

So after I embarrassed myself we were given an opportunity to try our hand at what we had learned. There were buckets of all sorts of floral and fauna and everyone knew their Latin names.

I recognized some iris's, daisies, forsythia....well I really didn't really remember the name for that plant but I knew of it and knew that my mom liked it...maybe, really I'm not sure why I know it.

Okay, then there were some Magnolia leaves and pine boughs and that's about all I know. Then I tried to angle and position them just so... with a scalene triangular shape with some hanging just so over the edge and some pointing just so over to the side.

Well, hmmm,

MaryAnne asked if she couldn't help me and she had a hard time making it work and then the nice Mrs. Hale came over and turned the forsythia towards us and Viola!

I should have taken a picture but Josh has the camera because he took Emmett to Animal Kingdom for his 10th birthday today.

As a thank you to my dear friend that watched Elise for part of the time so I could go, I gave her the arrangement....only I forgot that her parent owned a flower shop and she grew up arranging flowers and she probably thought...gee thanks.

I have another bunch to give me mom....she watched Elise in the morning.

The last two weeks I have been wanting to make a ruffle skirt for Elise. Tonight I found a pattern here and here. Instead of sitting down and cutting out the material I decided to blog about what I want to do.

Did I tell you I'm a real get er done kinda gal?

You knew that about me though didn't you?

Anything you've been wanting to do and instead of doing it you'd rather blog about it?

Grace in Perseverance

2011-01-20T08:59:00.001-05:00

Not feeling like I'm persevering.

But it's not about feelings is it?

And perseverance is measured at the end and not at the beginning, right?

Right now I love the lines from Kerri Robert's song Outcast

So what if I don't look the
Part I'm supposed to play
What if I don't follow
All the rules they make
They think I should be perfect
They love it when I mess up
No grace in case I blow it
A good girl shouldn't need it

Still meditation on perseverance.
Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete not lacking anything. James 1:4

Praying that you may continue in your perseverance and grace abounds more abundantly that it is not in your own work that you may boast but save the cross of Christ.

2011-01-10T11:59:00.000-05:00

While a good part of my family has snow, it's rain for us today.
Lately I've been eating left over spinach salad on a whole wheat pita for lunch, and a big apple.

Lately I've been calling my dad every day to check on him and encourage him that he is getting better.

Lately I've had to color my hair every couple of weeks to cover the new gray....Elise says I need to do it today.

Lately Elise has been telling me what to do way tooo much.

Lately the boys and I have been trying to keep each other accountable with our daily reading using the Youversion website.

Lately I've been trying to read through O Jerusalem by Laurie King but I'm only half way through and would really like to spend the rest of the day reading it.

Lately lotion has been applied to my hands several times a day, am loving the Carmex hand cream but my step mom had Neutrogena Foot Cream that was excellent on my hands.

Lately I've had self image issues, and also feeling like I am fighting a cold and tired....still exercising though.
Last week, Elise and Emmett rode their bike for my 4 mile jog.....Elise was okay for the first two miles, not so much the last half...Emmett did fine the whole way.

Lately I've taken to imagining the car that I've been driving behind for the past 10 minutes is being delivered to my house or while I'm waiting on Josh to pick me up from the embroidery job that the shiny new truck that is driving up is Josh in my new truck...Delusional I tell you, quite mad, something is amiss in my synapses.

Have you had any delusions lately?

Anything?

2011-01-02T08:53:00.000-05:00

Perseverance must finish its work

so that you may be mature and complete,

not lacking anything.

James 1:4 (NIV, 1984)

I am not a perseverer...I don't often finish any work...I am lacking....this year I hope to finish more Bible memory work and post it.
Thank you for your encouragement this year and your kind words they truly nourish my soul!

Today I say goodbye to my dad and head home...here's hoping I can finish that trip today and not get held up in horrible I-95 post holiday traffic!

Soft Hearted

2010-12-31T10:01:00.002-05:00

Jeremiah 29:11-13 (New International Version, ©2010)
11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 12 Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. 13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.

Romans 8: ¹ Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.

These are the two verses that I thought about as I made the seven and a half hour drive from Jacksonville, Fl to Asheville, N.C.
My dad was scheduled for a heart cath on Wednesday because his mitral valve was leaking and they were planning on fixing it on Thursday. I made it to the hospital about a half hour before he came out of the cath.
It wasn't just the valve that needed fixing though, turns out he had 5 blockages as well.
That was a huge blow to my fathers pride in his excellent health and disciplined nutrition over the years.
Several times I have seen my father tear up when it was time to say goodbye but seeing him upset over getting a procedure done that he never thought he would ever have was a new experience.

The surgery went fine but the veins in one of his long legs was good enough and so they had to use one from his other leg as well.
The staff had warned us that he would not look good the first time we saw him ... I knew what they were talking about ... if I thought I could have gotten out of it I would have but alas this trip isn't me. The tears stayed contained but man did I want to take a walk around the hospital afterward and let them out.
But I didn't know if that would have been productive so I didn't.
And now day three.
He is supposed to be sitting up in a chair, less wires and tubes, more talking.
More talking, something that has always been awkward.
There have been times when I have shared my faith with my dad and after the last time on one of our cruises I had the peace that no more needed to be said.
But....
when I told people that I was coming up to see my dad they asked if I would present the gospel again?
My peace was rattled, and I am uncertain.
The prayer I have so often prayed for my father is that God would soften his heart, it's not my job and I praying the Holy Spirit would continue to give me the words to share my hope, my lack of condemnation in such a manner that I will be a light to my father and stepmother's world that cannot be hidden.

Matthew 5:14 (English Standard Version)
14(A) "You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden.

Brought to you by the letter B

2010-12-21T09:16:00.000-05:00

Last week it was freezing here, our 1920's off grade wood floor house rarely gets above 65 all winter, the kitchen is smaller than most closets, the closets are nearly nonexistent (originally built without any). These were the things I was complaining about while I was jogging last Thursday when what should play on the Ipod (my nephew so generously passed on to me) but "I'm so Blue" by Paul Coleman from the Veggie Rocks album.
Well that's appropriate.
But what is even more sovereign is the song that followed. And as I was convicted I thought that this would be a great post.
Unfortunately by the time I showered I couldn't remember the name of the second song or the words. Over the weekend I remembered and again this morning before I jogged but forgot again by the time I sat down.
It may have been "How deep the Father's love for us" by Dave Fellingham and Stuart Townend.
Or it might have been "Better is one day in your courts" by Matt Redmon but that doesn't have the overtones of the weight of sin and the importance of the REAL blessings God has given.... so that probably wasn't it.
So there is my confession for this week,
I'm ungrateful for the things not seen but Ultimately of very real importance and satisfaction.

This was brought to you by the letter
B
and Madame Blueberry.

The world and its desires pass away but the man who does the will of God lives forever.

Father forgive me

2010-12-14T07:36:00.000-05:00

Father forgive me it's been 10 days since my last post and I haven't narry a Christmas picture to post.

I'm not Catholic but I have been using Catholic resources lately and I may be a bit confused.

The last couple of weeks for Children's choir devotion I have been focusing on Advent and the top googled Advent devotions have been...Catholic. This site is where I did my reading today, read the whole weeks worth in fact. It was really good. I wish I were more diligent in doing devotions for myself instead of waiting until I have forum. This Sunday the kids are singing before the service, pray that they a breath of fresh air in the midst of the frustration and unrest that is our church right now. (assistant pastor asked to resign last week...people hurt and wounded exponentially now)

This morning Stewart had to be at school at 5:40 for a field trip so that gave a few minutes on the computer this morning. Sorry the posts are dwindling, they may just dwindle a tad more because of the work load. I have managed to keep reading The Moore by Laurie King. It has been slow going because I can only read a few pages each night before the words start swimming. Still lovin this author and her Mary Russell series...just saying if you need a nice little historical fiction/mystery for your reading pleasure I am still recommending her.

Working a the Embroidery shop is going better, it was/is a lot to learn and remember but I am remembering more and the lady I work for/with is very pleasant and her voice is very gentle and so the work goes quickly. The kids and Josh and my mom have all pitched in to share the home front work load so it that arena is sailing rather smoothly. Now if I just had a ghost poster they this front would be covered as well!

Born to Run

2010-12-04T19:52:00.000-05:00

This week as I searched for supplements to aid the discussion of Crazy Love I opened up one of my favorite books: When Life and Beliefs Collide by Carolyn Custis James.

"Every woman struggles with aspects of God's plan for her. There are points along the way where everything inside us rebels against what is happening".....

"Sooner or later all of us will ask the question, If this is God's plan for me, how do I move forware? How do I run the race he has marked out when I am disappointed with it and frustrated with him? At least part of the answer lies in the urgent words of the ancient epistle to the Hebrews:"Let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles...Let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us...Let us fix our eyes on Jesus"(Heb. 12:1-2)

The princess and the pea

2010-11-29T06:49:00.001-05:00

The pound store is like Hindu meditation, just a mind emptying sorting of clothes where I reach Nirvana after picking my way through 30 bins....

When I lived in Palm Bay I never found anything but my friend Jennifer that came camping did so I gave it another try...

Certainly I'm joking about the Hindu meditation because I am unabashedly christian...
however I have no other way to explain the nothingness my brain has to go to keep up the hunt.

It's kind of like the place your mind has to go when you go to WallyWorld, you know there are going to masses of people down every isle and screaming children and people wearing their unmentionables as outerwear and check out lanes 30 minutes long with cashiers that checked their own brain at the door to deal with everything you don't want to experience yourself.

In Palm Bay, the Goodwill pound store was empty of shoppers and the tables were piled literally 3 feet high and I found it impossible to sort through....in Jacksonville there is a whole nuther theater going on. At first I wasn't sure I wanted to go back. Every 20 minutes or so a tall older black man rolls a cart of stuff to the back barking all the while for people to get out of the way...which is hard to hear when you're on your way to Nirvana....While he's gone 30 or so regulars are lining up around the area that the cart is going to be returned. Then he rolls back the cart and there is even more jockying for position and things being grabbed out of hands and old ladies knocked over and ....I'm not exaggerating
but
When I see a cart being taken to the back I move several isles over and stay out of the fray and find all the treasures that those crazed inner city people have abandoned even though their own carts are filled to overflowing. My mom saw the treasures I was bringing home and her curiosity was peaked.
"What are they doing with all that stuff?" she kept wondering....
and I wondered myself but it distracted me from Nirvana so like a fly I had to regularly swat it out of my thoughts. I did ask the cashier and she didn't know either, but she did say when those people get to rough (I guess she has a different definition of rough than I do) they are escorted out of the store and not allowed back.

And yes, two of my children go with me....ask to go in fact. They have their own bins that the madcow shoppers don't bother with. I guess the 3 toy bins aren't as attractive to them. The first time Elise went she found almost all of the 24 pieces to the Melissa and Doug Princess Elise Magnetic Dress up set....including the yellow wooden box. She may not be able to sit quietly during church or while momma is talking to ladies who have perfectly mannered children of their own but for an hour she dug through that bin pulling out one little magnetic piece at a time reaching her own Nirvana at the end. It's crazy, we're two peas of the same pod that is for sure.

I have given you authority to trample on snakes and scorpions and to overcome all the power of the enemy; nothing will harm you.

Luke 10 : 19

Lately

2010-11-27T12:10:00.001-05:00

Sherri always does such a good job at her "lately" posts that I decided to copy her:

Lately I've been unpacking and doing laundry from spending the past three days at Ft. Clinch camping with these folks. It was our 4th Thanksgiving with our good friends the Troisi's from Palm Bay who have 6 children, Josh's dad and step-mom and Josh's sister, Stefani, and her friend, Meg. This year for the actual meal my mom joined us as well as Jennifer's brother, his girlfriend and son. We did not over do it on food this year, for which I am very greatful. Stefani fried the turkey again and it was wonderful....I'm having a leftover turkey and cranberry sandwich as soon as I get done typing this. The kids made apple turkeys, compliments of my mom using gum drops, marsmellows, raisens and gummy worms attached with toothpicks. I was surprised that the 16 year old on down to the 6 year olds enjoyed it equally. Pin the Hat on the Turkey wasn't enjoyed by all but it was still a fun tradition that was brought back from two years ago.

Lately, I have been hired by two different employers solely based on the recommendations by two dear friends. The first one starts this Sunday at an embroidery shop where I mostly take orders. The second one starts in January when I will work 15 hrs a week supervising teen interns in 5 different libraries in town.

Lately I have gotten rid of three large bags to the Veterans thrift store and 3 medium bags to my friend...but I have probably replaced said bags with my purchases at the Goodwill pound store...great sweater purchases though....a Gap zip up hoodie a wool Lands End and fuzzy and a L.L Bean one made from lambs wool.

Lately I have been encouraging my smart 9th grader that he is capable of better than a C in AP World History.

Lately I took a week off jogging because of a respiratory bug but was able to jump back in and keep up with my neighbor after that short break. This is a first for me.

New

2010-11-22T12:44:00.000-05:00

It's been months since I've done anything new to the Blog.
Months since I even updated my verse of the month.
"Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, Rejoice." Phil 4:4

Today when I did a quick check of a couple of blogs I was reminded again about my memory verse and I found a blog that has something that I would like to add. (In my free time) I like the drop down menu in her header. But who am I kidding, there will be no drop down menu in my header in the near future.

This morning and tomorrow afternoon I am applying for two different jobs. It's been over ten years since I've applied for a job. The first one is for an embroidery shop that monograms towels and the like....a friend works there as her second job and set me up with the interview.
Susan set me up with the interview tomorrow at the library working with a teen services program, and this one is the more serious one involving a resume and professional type clothing, language, blah, blah, blah. Most people do this sort of thing when they graduate from college, not me, but here I go.

How

2010-11-17T16:05:00.002-05:00

"All of a sudden I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory"

The ladies that did the idol study with me, started Crazy Love last night.
One of the questions on this study guide I found asked
"Have you ever been in total awe of God? When?"

Yesterday while sitting in the park while Emmett had homeschool sports and Elise was clambering around the pond and jungle gym I couldn't remember the last time I was in awe of God.
Surely I am in awe of him most every time I worship but is there, was there, a time I can specifically point out recently where I can say I am in awe of him?
This morning I played this youtube video one of my friends on Facebook posted and I remembered.
When I was visiting my sister's church in Indiana they played this song during communion.
And, I'm pretty sure they played it the year before when I was visiting.

Stephen's death has me in awe of God.

"We are his portion and he is our prize
drawn to redemption by the grace in his eyes"

Oh how he loves us.

"This is my covenant with them," says the Lord. "My Spirit, who is on you, and my words that I have put in your mouth will not depart from your mouth, or from the mouths of your children, or from the mouths of their descendants from this time on and forever," says the Lord.

Isaiah 59 : 21

In the first place

2010-11-11T17:13:00.002-05:00

Is your Momma a Llamma I asked my friend Jane,
No she is not, Jane politely explained.

Hang with me, I'm still in remember mode.

If Cathron and I weren't quoting children's books in our conversation we were quoting Brian Regan or singing in the car.

Tell me, I am not the only one who does not understand lyrics to a song and makes up her own version?

Old example is the song Who are you by the Who....

Do you know what I was singing until I married Josh...?

New Orleans....!*? New, New, New, New, New Orleans.....

I'm not making this up.

Fast forward to Cathron and I riding around in her rowdy jeep, (that I covet) and she puts on the latest Zac Brown cd and she plays the songs that reminds her of us. I confess to her that when Josh played the cd for me the previous week I thought the song was saying,

So get away from the police mon.

Still I had a hard time making my brain sing ....So get away to where the boat leaves from.

She got a good laugh out that and that's why I went there in the first place.

Have you made up words to any songs?

And another thing

2010-11-08T06:54:00.004-05:00

My sister and brother-in-law excel at

hospitality, ie...regularly sharing dinner with friends
after dinner devotions

Pictured here are my sister and 3 of her kids, me and 2 of mine and 3 guests also with a child. Not pictured is the giggles that happened during devotions. It was a scene straight out of my childhood. Elise got the giggles and was trying to control herself while Dave was reading Thessalonians. She composed herself until I looked up at her and she looked at me, while Cathron was looking at both of us, and immediately Elise bust out uncontrollably again. I don't know how many times I got in trouble when I was her age for laughing uncontrollably at dinner. All it took was my eyes locking on Cathron's to get me started. Nothing said, no funny look...
I can't explain it and if it hadn't happened just that way during Dave's valorous attempt at sharing the word then I might have explained it away that Cathron must have given me a funny look to make me laugh so....but no, just something unspoken in the eyes.
This is what I was remembering yesterday about my week in Indiana.

Blaze of Worship

2010-11-06T18:34:00.001-04:00

What will I remember about my week in Indiana? The camera helps.
Wish it could capture conversations as well and then make transcripts of them.
If they did I would specifically have a conversation about worship I had with my sister's dear friend.
She related a conversation between herself and a counselor where she asked how sound it was to picture yourself leaning on the Lord with your head to His chest? She asked him, "do you have a word for that" and he said, "Worship"
Now, I'm not saying that was the verbatim conversation but as near as I can recollect.
Worship.
To live our lives like that.
Worship!

O worship the King,
all glorious above!
O gratefully sing
his power and his love!
Our shield and defender,
the Ancient of Days,
pavilioned in splendor,
and girded with praise.

There is mercy.

2010-10-31T19:06:00.000-04:00

This is reposted from last year. Tonight we are having a bonfire to remember.
The song we sang in church today fit perfectly:
You make beautiful things out of dust...You make beautiful things out of us.

Psalm 130
Out of the deep have I called unto thee, O Lord;
Lord, hear my voice
O let your ears consider well
the voice of my complaint.
If thou, Lord, wilt be extreme to mark what is done amiss,
O Lord, who may abide it?
For there is mercy with thee,
therefore shalt thou be feared.
I look for the Lord; my soul doth wait for him;
My soul fleeth unto the Lord before the morning watch;
I say before the morning watch.
O Isreal, trust in the Lord,
for with the Lord there is mercy,
and with him is plenteous redemption.
And he shall redeem Israel
from all his sins.

Yesterday I had a two hour lay over in D.C. Normally I take a book traveling and this time I took the Book of Common Prayer. The last two funerals I have been to were Episcopal services and it brought me so much comfort. The prayers in it are straight from the Bible and it has the Psalms...however it is in King James. I also took my mp3 player and listened to Before the Throne of God and Crown of Thorns while I read and cried. Yep, just sat in the D.C. terminal with tears streaming down my face for losing my Godbaby and for my sister losing her first born and for God's mercy which is surely with us. It's the truth and that is what I needed to set my eyes on. The blessed thing is that my sister and brother-in-law know the truth too and through their tears and heartache are sharing it with all the kids that mourning the loss of their friend. There is mercy.
The service is Wednesday morning...

Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened.

So Strong and So Mighty

2010-10-22T15:00:00.000-04:00

"O Lord, be gracious to us; we long for you. Be our strength every morning, our salvation in time of distress"
- Isaiah 33:2
All this week on Air1 they have played a new song by Matthew West and he has read the letter he recieved that the song was based upon. Today's song was Strong Enough
Next week will be a year anniversary and we are not strong enough to wake up in the morning and remember but we don't need to be strong enough. In the middle of our weakness it is hard to fathom the strength to press on and focus on Who is stong and mighty instead of what we don't have. But is really very simple and while I was listening to Strong Enough I was reminded of the children's song...

Our God is so Big so strong and so mighty there's nothing our God can not do
The mountains are His, the valleys are his the stars are his handiwork too,
Our God is so Big so Strong and so mighty there's nothing our God can not do ........For You!
For a more poetic mature audience the hymn by Horatius Bonar fits also very nicely
O LOVE OF GOD, HOW STRONG AND TRUE

Phillipians 4:13,................. I don't have to be strong enough....neither do you!

“Neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God.” Romans 8:38-39

The Great Pumpkin

2010-10-16T11:38:00.003-04:00

Acts 2:21 And it shall come to pass that everyone who calls upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.

This is the verse I need to learn for the k-2 grade Sunday School class tomorrow and by default will be my October verse.

October is presenting itself in a fairy tale way...ie The Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown.

I spent the first two weeks wrestling with bullies.

The Lord used me to start a children's "choir" at church this Wednesday and then brought in the music teacher at the last minute even though he had been saying no all along.

Then on the same day the children's choir was to begin, my sister calls up and shared something we've both known since May.....Oct. 31 is looming unbearably. And so even though I had resisted telling her since May when I booked the ticket, there were no words of comfort I could offer so instead I distracted her by saying that I was flying up. It worked.
The next day she said she would pay for the two youngest to fly up with...she wanted the whole family but they couldn't take off a whole week.
I finished The Mayor of Casterbridge by Thomas Hardy....been reading it bit by bit since Spring...it was a very good book considering it was a classic and used some words which I had never seen before or knew the meaning.
Started another Laurie R. King book, this one is The Game...not the page turner like The God of the Hive but Lovely nonetheless.
Twice this month my neighbor and I have jogged 4 miles in 39 minutes...that's a fairy tale if I ever heard one!
John-Thomas beat a boy from church in a cross country meet that had previously beat him by a minute or more and then this morning he got a ribbon.
Yesterday when I took the van in for an oil change...that's all it needed.....that is definitely the stuff fairy tales are made of!

Anything out of the ordinary for you this month?

Still more tears

2010-10-10T16:41:00.003-04:00

Alleluia! Christ being raised from the dead will die no more; death has no more dominion over him. This is the day that the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it. Alleluia!

Romans 6 : 9, Psalm 118 : 24

You'd think that after almost a year that I could sing this song without crying and even though I don't remember the song when we start it,as soon as the song gets to the part I highlighted I tear up for myself and then for Stephen.

For myself, because regularly I listen the bully and think that there is no hope of me ever getting any better....but God's word says that I am better, I am getting better and I will get better because Christ did win the victory over the power and death of Satan.

For Stephen because he has no guilt in the life he lead, he had no fear in death and Jesus commanded his destiny from baby to his death. No scheme of man took that away from him and he was called home to stand with Christ. Tears, tears and more tears.

In Christ Alone by Stuart Townsend

In Christ alone my hope is found
He is my light, my strength, my song
This cornerstone, this solid ground
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm
What heights of love, what depths of peace
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease
My comforter, my all-in-all
Here in the love of Christ I stand
In Christ alone who took on flesh
Fullness of God in helpless babe
This gift of love and righteousness
Scorned by the ones He came to save
'Til on that Cross, as Jesus died
The wrath of God was satisfied
For every sin on Him was laid
Here in the death of Christ I live
There in the ground His body lay
Light of the world by darkness slain
Then bursting forth in glorious day
Up from the grave He rose again
And as He stands in victory
Sin's curse has lost its grip on me
For I am His and He is mine
Bought with the precious blood of Christ
No guilt in life, no fear in death
This is the power of Christ in me
From life's first cry to final breath
Jesus commands my destiny
No power of hell, no scheme of man
Can ever pluck me from His hand
'Til He returns or calls me home
Here in the power of Christ I'll stand
'Til He returns or calls me home
Here in the power of Christ I stand
Here in the power of Christ alone

When Christ had offered for all time one sacrifice for sins, he sat down at the right hand of God. Since that time he waits for his enemies to be made his footstool, because by one sacrifice he has made perfect forever those who are being made holy.

Hebrews 10 : 12-14 |

Wait for Him

2010-10-01T08:51:00.000-04:00

I form the light and create darkness, I bring prosperity and create disaster; I, the Lord, do all these things. Isaiah 45:7

This morning I prayed for you while I was driving the boys to school.
I prayed for God to hear your prayers of frustration and to remember your dreams and direct your path to His purpose and that you would lean on Him. I prayed for people to come into your life to encourage you and remind you of His promises.

I also prayed for my nephew Joshua this morning while I was jogging. In the four months that I have had the sneakers I jog in, not once have the shoe laces come untied. They're short shoe laces and there isn't hardly enough lace to double tie them and I have thought pretty regularly that it was odd they have never come untied...until this morning. Three times....they came untied three times today! Stretching back at the house I wondered why it came untied three times today....and decided it was to distract me from praying for Joshua.

This month has been pretty lame for memorizing a verse. The verse at the top and bottom I have been reflecting on but not really working on memorizing. However, there is the verse that was part of the K-2 sunday School class, "Blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed" John 20:29...it wasn't a premeditated verse for this month but I learned it nonetheless.

"Since ancient times no one has heard, no ear has perceived, no eye has seen any God besides you, who acts on behalf of those who wait for him." Isaiah 64:4

Tiffany's reply

2010-09-28T19:17:00.002-04:00

This is a "guest post" by my friend Tiffany, she lives in King George, Va and we met 12 years ago at Barnes &Noble in Melbourne, FL. She doesn't blog but has given her permission to reprint this email.

Emily,

Excellent my dear friend! Excellent. I am excited that you loved the book recommendation. But you know, it's not just that. I love when someone else gets that excited about a book- regardless of whether it's my recommendation or not. For, I love when I feel that way myself. Funny that you describe 'The Mayor of Casterbridge' as your 'car book'. When I use the term 'car book', it's to describe a book that I carry with me everywhere- because I cannot put it down. I find myself snatching paragraphs at stoplights, and getting honked at meanly for my troubles.

Oh! how I love Mary Russell. You must go back to the beginning and read them all, you know. If you go onto Amazon, you can look up the order of books in the series. Another great website is http://www.stopyourekillingme.com/ , such a fun name. It's a great site devoted to mystery books of all breeds. It's a lovely place to spend a day- it's where I found Ms. Russell. They have a neat little area where you can search up exactly your type of mystery series- historical, specific location, etc.

You know, you would love the Maisie Dobbs series by Winspear. Also the Charles Lenox series by Finch. Maisie and Charles are favorites of mine as well- but Mary Russell has my heart. Mystery series are the satisfying snacks which I consume betwixt beefy literature. The number of snackies depends upon the heaviness of the main course. Example: 'Animal Farm' 'Mary Russell' 'Crime and Punishment' 'Mary Russell' 'Mary Russell' 'Maisie Dobbs' 'Jane Eyre' 'Charles Lenox' 'Sophie's Choice' 'Mary Russell' 'Mary Russell' 'Mary Russell' -and so forth, ad infinitum.

I am glad you enjoyed my autumn leaves. I hope they did not make you sneeze. I dried them out on top of my oven whilst baking banana bread- but one can never be sure with such unconventional methods. I was fervently hoping you would not open up a moldy letter. And it's absurd to complain about fall leaves in one's yard. The brightness of autumn's foliage is God's artistic compensation for winter- and should be enjoyed as such. Swearing at them, raking them up and bagging them- or burning them, is disrespectful. I ride over mine in my mower to chop them up, and leave them where they are -the better to replenish the nutrients in my soil and give back to the trees the energy they need. Afterall, the leaves belong to the trees and are part of their life cycle. The lady next door is a raker and burner- (despicable woman).

I think the tennis lessons are a wonderful idea. I took tennis as a child and liked it. My sister, Jessica and I, took lessons together. Additionally, it should open up more time for reading. But of course, it's the children's exercise that we are most concerned with.... I must confess that I savor cooking large one pot meals, precisely for the opportunity they afford for perching on the breakfast bar indian-style, book in hand. I make lots of of pot roast.

Well, it is my opinion that we just get back into letter writing. Don't you agree? I very much enjoyed the letter that you sent, and really enjoyed the email below. It was well-written, well organized, and struck the right note of witty highbrow humour (spelled with a 'u'). Autumnal vestage, indeed....

Here's to good friends, good books, and the written word! Cheerio and pip pip, Tiffany

Letter to Tiffany

2010-09-27T20:31:00.000-04:00

Well, I shouldn't have been surprised, not like you have ever steered me wrong with one of your book recommendations, it's just that I so rarely pick up a book....let alone a book that you recommend. I remembered last week to ask the librarian about a Mary Russell book, that's all I could remember you told me. The librarian found one, God of the Hive and put it on hold, I picked it up Friday and finished it today. I can't ever remember enjoying a book so much.....from the first sentence! Normally a book takes a few chapters to get into, but not this one. And I can't remember the last book I stayed up reading into the night and made myself put down before I was sleepy. I think I was only able to put it down because there was only 1 chapter in the whole book that didn't have a death grip on my attention. This morning I woke up and started reading again until John-Thomas told me it was time to take him to school. I came home, did the morning dishes, started a load of laundry and then started reading again, letting Emmett and Elise do Lord knows what....certainly not reading, writing or arithmetic until noon when I finished. Then they wanted to go on a bike ride so I threw on my jogging clothes/shoes and we went out for 30-40 minutes and then started our chores/school work in earnest. Tonight when I took John-Thomas to his piano lesson it took everything I had to stay away from the library and put another one on hold. Instead I went to Starbucks and tried reading more of the Mayor of Casterbridge that I started moons ago and enjoy it but haven't finished because it is my car book for times when there are a few minutes at my disposal and I don't want to spend them pondering my navel.

John-Thomas is learning Hall of the Mountain king, Stewart is learning Linus and Lucy (Charlie Brown Christmas) and both of them are wonderful to hear practiced over and over. Emmett's piece was not so lovely so today I told him no more, find something else. Elise is just starting and doesn't like practicing with her left hand, says its too hard. A lady from Parks and Rec called today to say that she would be offering tennis if Emmett and Elise were interested so it looks like we will be adding that to our itinerary as well...but not tomorrow because they have dentist appointments....
That book still has my hyped, I was supposed to be looking up the email address of the art teacher for a friend but I stopped when I ran across your name and remembered I had wanted to call you all day to tell you of my reading bliss!
In my haste to tell you of my excitement I have failed to mention the fun of receiving your letter! Elise asked me what you wrote me about and so I read it aloud which made it all the more special and romantic in a Jane Austin kind of way. What a nice memory she will have of her mother reading wonderfully written letters from a friend...that also was so kind to share some of her fall foliage! Because you know of course that there is nary a poplar around to bestow its autumnal vestige.

15 minute post

2010-09-21T10:42:00.001-04:00

That's all I've got before it's time to leave for homeschool sports.
Yesterday we had a conference with Stewart's principal about skipping a class and then I met with the head of Duval County's virutal school to see about transferring Emmett from K12, (which I love) to Duval's program.
Do we know what's best?
Have we made the right decision's so far?
Can we continue to provide the environment for our children to thrive and be prepared in their life ahead?
I'm worn out.

Zechariah said, "But my wife and I are old." The angel said, "Since you don't believe, you will not speak until the baby comes."

Last week's Sunday school lesson was on the consequences of doubt/disbelief. What promise am I doubting through this all, and isn't it too bad that I haven't been struck speechless?
I am reminded of the catechism, "God can do all His holy will."
Have no fear of sudden disaster or of the ruin that overtakes the wicked, for the Lord will be your confidence and will keep your foot from being snared.

Proverbs 3 : 25-26 |

She Laughed at my soul

2010-09-12T08:25:00.002-04:00

Elise woke up at 6am with a 102+ fever.
Josh started the cool down bath and the medicine and went to back to bed. I finished up the bath and hair washing( a girl has to look good while she's sick) gave her cough medicine, toasted a bagel, heated some sausage and the Disney channel was turned on, then what's a mom to do with her cup of freshly brewed coffee? Read through the blogs in my sidebar that I haven't clicked on in weeks that's what.

The music on Posie Gets Cozy and an Oregon State Fair t-shirt may be on my short list of things to buy.
All the talk of projects makes me want to break out my sewing machine, or bake something.
This post encouraged me to blog. It connected with me when she said, "write as if you're talking to your sister".......how did she know that's what I did? I love her lists, I should have more lists, but I don't normally talk lists to my sister so it probably won't happen here either. I ramble when I talk to my sister and that's what I do here...I'm a rambler. At this point the Allman Brother's Ramblin' Man lyrics are rolling through my head.

Which reminds me that Tracy, Susan and I discussed our ramblin nature of conversation at Jason's Deli last night. We went there to discuss our final chapter of the No Other God's study but of course we rambled about tons of other stuff. Tracy me made me laugh so hard that I had to excuse my weak from 4 childbirth's bladder and run to the bathroom. As I was making my escape I heard Tracy say, "well that was abrupt." Yep.
And when I came back she and Susan were discussing "I am God" by Toby Mac/Kirk Franklin. Psalm 46:10 "Be still and know I am God," has been Susan's verse for over a year now and Tracy was sharing how that song drives her to tears.
Yep.
Yesterday before I met Susan and Tracy the Mandissa cd that a sista from a different mother gave me almost made me cry. I prayed for some of my peeps during the "How Much" song until I got home and had to unload the ginormous bag of broccoli and cabbage and ....that I had picked up from Sam's.
Distractions.
Which is why I will probably never write a book with the title, "She laughed at my soul" even though we all agreed when Susan said it in response to my gigglness, that is sounded like a great book title.

All over that

2010-09-11T08:25:00.001-04:00

This is what I found this morning.
It's funny to me because Josh is saying: I miss being on a cruise, do you?
My dad took our family on another cruise.
Carnival, out of Jacksonville to Nasau and Half Moon Cay in the Bahamas.
The weeks leading up to it I was a little nervous, a few days before, near panic because there were 16 ft waves. The day we left it was 4ft waves, beautiful...hot but beautiful. And that was the way it was for the next 4 days.
I was also nervous because the parents of my BFF Susan also went on the cruise and I didn't know if my dad and them would enjoy each other's company. Don't ya know I prayed about that the past couple of months. Have I mentioned how much I hate group interactions? I can only handle one person at a time and sometimes that is too much.
BUT I still very much want to have lunch with Gloria VERY soon.
Sorry for that commercial interuption.

Stewart was the cruise director, he ran into the Mankowski's regularly and put a smile on their face, he pursued playing Whist with my dad and he did the waterslides with Emmett and Elise. Have I told you how much he is like his father...always looking out for other people while having a grand time for himself? Mom and Pop Mankowski said he should be a model...when I told him it might be an easy way to make money he was all over that.
On a side note, did you notice my shower curtain? I wanted to show it to you this summer but never got around to it. A couple of years ago I got a stomach virus and it my sick stupor of cleaning up after myself I sprayed cleaner everywhere and got bleach spots all across the bottom of the curtain. I have been looking ever since for something to replace it with but I really liked those colors. The grommets on the striped one were falling apart so something really needed to be done. This summer I found that aqua curtain, so I cut it apart and the striped one and sewed them together. That was my big summer project. ;)
We know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

Romans 8 : 28

Heartache, Trust, Reasons

2010-09-03T12:00:00.001-04:00

Every morning Air1 puts a smile on our face...literally, I am driving down the road with a big huge cheesy grin and singing...really loud during the Friday dance song. But I digress. One of my favorite songs right now is No Matter What by Kerrie Roberts.
Last Sunday our Pastor rapped up his sermon series on suffering and after the service I asked the couple behind us if sermons like that still take them back to when their 9 year old son was dying of brain cancer? Beth said, it will always be with them, and in fact, there is a boy in a kindergarten class at the school where she teaches, that has brain cancer and is not expected to live so she has cried many a tear the past couple of weeks as she has walked with his parents through their pain.
So I ask God to remember Beth and Cathron when I hear this song, especially when she sings the line, "Before a heartache can ever touch my life, it has to go through your hands". What a tremendous promise of care God has for us. And the thought crossed my feeble human mind this morning, it must be a tremendous thing to know about your children...to know all this heartache is going to happen to His children before they ever do. But I guess He has the blessed ability to see the end at the same time and the end is so glorious isn't it? If we could only see "When you take that first step Into the unknown You know that he won't let you go" like Britt Nicole sings in her song Walk on the Water. If we could only see that He has us at every step.
My other favorite songs right now are Avalanche by Manifest and NY2LA by Press Play...they just make me want to crank up the volume not grab a Kleenex.

Kerrie Roberts - No Matter What

Yesterday

2010-09-02T12:10:00.000-04:00

Finding a purpose

2010-08-26T09:26:00.000-04:00

This summer I have sought to find a children's choir for Elise and Emmett. And long story short I am starting a children's small group with an emphasis on singing that will meet at the church on Wednesday's night while the older two are in Youth Group. As with any ministry I need a Bible verse to anchor my vision. I wanted something personal to me. While I was thinking of that this morning I was listening to Third Day's Medley of Turn Your Eyes upon Jesus. This is the song I heard Cathron singing to Stephen many sleepless nights the summer I spent with them when he was 3 months old. This is the song I sung to my babies. This is the song we sung at his funeral.

April 1999 John-Thomas is in my lap and Stephen is beside me, Stewart is in front of him and Joshua is holding the leaf of tree they had been climbing. I carry this picture in my sermon notes journal.

I wondered this morning what Bible verse the song was based on and in my google search the cyberhymnal site popped up. Hebrews 12:2 is the running banner across the top of the page. I don't know if that will be my theme verse but it was wonderful to read the verses that go with the refrain that has come to mean so much to me.

O soul, are you weary and troubled?
No light in the darkness you see?
There’s a light for a look at the Savior,
And life more abundant and free!

Refrain

Turn your eyes upon Jesus,
Look full in His wonderful face,
And the things of earth will grow strangely dim,
In the light of His glory and grace.

Through death into life everlasting
He passed, and we follow Him there;
Over us sin no more hath dominion—
For more than conquerors we are!

Refrain

His Word shall not fail you—He promised;
Believe Him, and all will be well:
Then go to a world that is dying,
His perfect salvation to tell!

There shall be no more pain

2010-08-18T08:28:00.002-04:00

Josh asked me yesterday when I was going to post something new? He has our computer set so that Hope and a Future is our home page when you open the internet...so for him it has been a reminder that it has been almost two weeks since I revealed my August memory verse, for me it has been almost two weeks of a very good reminder to work on said memory verse (which I haven't been too good at). Insert here the verse about confessing to one another.

Last night was the final session of my study with the ladies at church on A Women's heart God's dwelling place by Beth Moore. The facilitator asked for final thoughts on the study as a whole? Instead of something profound the first thing that came to my mind was that I have only missed one session (the night we had free baseball tickets) and there was only 1 day that I didn't do the homework and looking back through the book to make sure that is an accurate statement, I can't even find that day. The verse about only boasting in the Lord should be inserted here.

Day 3 in No other God's by Kelly Minter asked "Are you currently going through a time when you really have no idea how things are going to work out, but you are moving ahead in faith, believing that God will show Himself as the Lord who provides?" In the NOG book my response was that "I don't know who will help with children's choir and how I will run it." But during the video when Beth Moore read Revelation 21:4 I had a different thought.

¹ Now I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away. Also there was no more sea. Then I, John, saw the holy city, New Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from heaven saying, “Behold, the tabernacle of God is with men, and He will dwell with them, and they shall be His people. God Himself will be with them and be their God. And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes; there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying. There shall be no more pain, for the former things have passed away.”
Then He who sat on the throne said, “Behold, I make all things new.” And He said to me, “Write, for these words are true and faithful.”
And He said to me, “It is done! I am the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End. I will give of the fountain of the water of life freely to him who thirsts. He who overcomes shall inherit all things, and I will be his God and he shall be My son

As she read verse 4 it occurred to me that this study has been a way for God to bring healing and hope to Stephen's death. It has pointed me to the gospel of mercy and set my eyes on the goal set before me. The tears are fresh on my face as I write this. In almost every video she has touched on the nerve that sparks the deluge.
All of the things mentioned in that verse is telling us what won't be there, and then Beth Moore went on to ask what are you looking forward to not being there? My first thought was fat...then I felt real bad because she started asking her audience and they said things like small caskets, victimization, betrayal, cancer....but after this went on for a while a lady in the audience said.....fat. Even though Beth Moore had been very near tears herself to think of all the pain in that room she sat down and laughed when that lady called it out. I'm not alone.
At Stephen's viewing I realized how close tears and laughter were related and I am remembering that again. One of the ladies who came through to give her condolences to Cathron said, "When I get to heaven I'm going whip that boy". I don't remember all the other things Cathron and I laughed about that night. I mostly remember crying.

I know you hate to see my cry, one day you will set all things right.
When my world is shaking, heaven stands
When my heart is breaking, I never leave your hands.

Therefore

2010-08-06T11:17:00.000-04:00

Therefore the Lord waits to be gracious to you,
and therefore he exalts himself to show mercy to you.
For the Lord is a God of justice;
blessed are all those who wait for him.

Isaiah 30:18

August Scripture Memory taken from week 8 of A women's heart by Beth Moore

The best things in life are Free

2010-08-04T08:54:00.000-04:00

Last week Craig looked at the tidal charts said Tuesday would be a good time to go out in the boat. High tide was at 4:30 so we went out from 3-5. Volunteering Friday at Builder's Care, the executive Director gave me Jacksonville Suns baseball tickets for the whole family and wrist bands to get all you care to eat hamburgers and hot dogs. Yesterday morning Emmett said it was going to be the best day of the summer.

Sometimes unposed pictures aren't all you hoped they would be. Craig is really a very patient and glass is half full kinda guy...and that is why he makes a great jogging friend but somehow this picture doesn't quite capture that. Craig and I didn't waterski since we were crunched on time getting to the baseball grounds at 6. We kept egging each other to give the knee board a go but in the end just the let the kids have their fun.

John-Thomas decided it was more exciting to stand up on the knee board.

Suffering for Christ

2010-07-31T11:02:00.000-04:00

The general suffering from living in a fallen world has been a theme weaving through my thoughts since Stephens death last October. Between last weeks Beth Moore video, the sermon on Sunday, this week's Beth Moore study and then this week's No Other God's study, it has been shouting to me. It has made me cry, it has made me grumpy, it has given me hope, it has made me think outside of what my day to day life operates around. Sunday's whole sermon was worth quoting but instead I am including two quotes he used:

"Misfortune & death are certainly ‘normal’ in the sense that they are universally experienced, but they are not normal when viewed from God’s intention in creation & his plan in redemption.

The idea that normal life...should always be harmonious & free from suffering, despite universal
suffering and death, remains a lingering echo of life in Eden as God created it before the fall." -Karen Jobes (commentary on 1 Peter)

Jon Stott "The essence of sin is we human beings substituting ourselves for God, while the essence of salvation is God substituting himself for us. We . . . put ourselves where only God deserves to be; God . . . puts himself where we deserve to be [on the Cross]."

What does all that have to do with the pictures? They were a highlight of this past weeks activitiy. My neighbor took us out in the boat and we all had a turn out on the water...what a treat to go in the middle of the day on a weekday when there was NO one out on a normally busy waterway!

See here for more ties to a related subject I ran across while looking for the Karen Jobes quote.

3 weeks

2010-07-21T08:47:00.001-04:00

Just three weeks till school starts back.
This summer has had no rthym, no routine, nothing regular or steady about it.
I don't know if I should be okay with that.
Guess it really doesn't matter.
Two Bible studies a week and two runs a week with my neighbor will be what marks this summer...and the boys learning to play poker with my uncle.

I wish that I was clever enough/took the time to put up the time sequence of photos that I took....priceless.
This may be all I have for this week, though there are some wonderful thoughts about last night's Beth Moore study and how it is running side by side with the Kelly Minter study on idols.

It is God who makes both us and you stand firm in Christ. He anointed us, set his seal of ownership on us, and put his Spirit in our hearts as a deposit, guaranteeing what is to come.

2 Corinthians 1 : 21-22 |

Treasures

2010-07-15T21:37:00.000-04:00

Do you ever do the homework for a Bible Study/Sunday School Lesson/meeting and forget what you studied when the time actually came to meet? Last year I gave up trying to go over my Sunday School lesson ahead of time because I always forgot what I had read. So I was super worried about the fact that I got my homework done ahead of time for the No Other Gods study. Tuesday and Wednesday I retook my notes and read over the discussion questions and scanned the chapter on idols from the Peace Making Women book to make sure I was prepared. I also took the PMW book with me as a reference and I was so glad I did. It really brought some great discussion to identify our idols, specifically

I would be completely content or happy in my life if only.....
I just want to avoid....
Don't ask me to give up my...

One friend said that it seemed everything either was or could be an idol. If you were bent on legalism I'm sure this could get out of control but it reminded me something I had read in the PMW book:

"As Christians we fully realize that even as God's grace enables us to knock one idol over and banish it from the altar of our hearts, another idol is waiting to take its place. That is why we must pray by faith each day to be continually turning away from the idols and to the Lord. We pray that he will change our very desires so that we desire, crafe long for--worship--God alone."
from Peace Making Women by Tara Klena Barthel & Judy Dabler
2 Cor 1:9 This happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead.

Most of this weeks study either mirrored or echoed what I was learning in A Women's Heart and for that matter have been learning since Josh and I taught the kindergarten SS 7 years ago...the grumbling of the Isrealites, God's pursuit of us in-spite of it, His display of wonder after wonder and our continued unbelief, redemption, salvation....
Deuteronomy 7:6
The Lord your God has chosen you out of all the people on the face of the earth to be his people, his treasured possession.

Surfs up

2010-07-12T10:30:00.001-04:00

Last week I tried out my surfboard for the first time...probably should have waited to do that on an empty beach...fortunately before I embarrassed myself too bad I let Emmett have a turn and worked with him for over an hour...his determination and joy in the whole process was surprising to say the least. This week I'm going to take lessons from Gretta..that dog's got talent and she seems so nonplussed.

on a completely different note...I found this blog just now and wondered what you thought of it?

Idols here, Idols there, Idols everywhere.

2010-07-11T15:50:00.000-04:00

Isaiah 57:14

New Living Translation (©2007)
God says, "Rebuild the road! Clear away the rocks and stones so my people can return from captivity."

Matthew Henry's commentary:
57:13-21 The idols and their worshippers shall come to nothing; but those who trust in God's grace, shall be brought to the joys of heaven. With the Lord there is neither beginning of days, nor end of life, nor change of time. His name is holy, and all must know him as a holy God. He will have tender regard to those who bring their mind to their condition, and dread his wrath. He will make his abode with those whose hearts he has thus humbled, in order to revive and comfort them. When troubles last long, even good men are tempted to entertain hard thoughts of God. Therefore He will not contend for ever, for he will not forsake the work of his own hands, nor defeat the purchase of his Son's blood. Covetousness is a sin that particularly lays men under the Divine displeasure. See the sinfulness of sin. See also that troubles cannot reform men unless God's grace work in them. Peace shall be published, perfect peace. It is the fruit of preaching lips, and praying lips. Christ came and preached peace to Gentiles, as well as to the Jews; to after-ages, who were afar off in time, as well as to those of that age. But the wicked would not be healed by God's grace, therefore would not be healed by his comforts. Their ungoverned lusts and passions made them like the troubled sea. Also the terrors of conscience disturbed their enjoyments. God hath said it, and all the world cannot unsay it, That there is no peace to those who allow themselves in any sin. If we are recovered from such an awful state, it is only by the grace of God. And the influences of the Holy Spirit, and that new heart, from whence comes grateful praise, the fruit of our lips, are his gift. Salvation, with all its fruits, hopes, and comforts, is his work, and to him belongs all the glory. There is no peace for the wicked man; but let the wicked forsake his way, and the unrighteous man his thoughts; and let him return to the Lord, and he will have mercy upon him, and to our God, and he will abundantly pardon.

Needy

2010-07-07T07:52:00.000-04:00

It is a regular occurance where I forget appointments or mistake the day for a different date..so when my friend Anne called me yesterday morning asking if I was coming to the beach I just thought it was another one of those times. We threw a jar of peanut butter and a bag of bread, apples and caprisuns in a bag, got our suits on lickety split, loaded up the boogie boards in record time and headed to the beach.....
This time it was Anne and Julie that had the day wrong...I'm so glad it's not just me that does this.
So me and the kids are headed back to the beach today to meet up with Kendra who origionally planned the beach day. Elise will do more digging, John-Thomas will do more running after a skim board (do you see him behind Elise?), Stewart will get better on the surf board and Emmett will wander off in search for minnows and I will panick when I can't find him and think he has been carried away in the section of beach they closed because of strong currents. (normally I stay away from panick mode but no one could find him and the other moms were getting ready to run screaming to the life guard...near hysteria I tell you)
Tonight will be the first get together of a second Bible study I am doing.
I asked Susan and her friends if they wanted to do a Bible study and they all agreed so tonight we are cracking open No Other Gods by Kelly Minter. The one friend that isn't a Christian decided to back out because she said she was too vunerable after the death of her close friend to cancer. Well...that's why I thought the Holy Spirit was moving on my heart to do this! If she doesn't come it won't be for naught...it's not like I don't need it.

Prepared Hearts

2010-07-06T09:03:00.000-04:00

It's Tuesday. Tonight is Beth Moore Bible study and I haven't written anymore on last week's notes.
v.15 And he said to Him, "If your presence will not go with me, do not bring us up from here.....
v17 And the Lord said to Moses, "This very thing that you have spoken I will do, for you have found favor in my sight, and I know you by name."
v21 And the Lord said, "Behold, there is a place by me where you stand on the rock, and while my glory passes by I will put you in a cleft of the rock, and I will cover you with my hand until I have passed by. Then I will take away my hand, and you shall see my back but my face shall not be seen."

We cry out to God that we will not go without his prescence and He replies that he will be with us.
John 14:21 Whoever has my commandments and keeps them, he it is who loves me. And he who loves me will be loved by my Father , and I will love him and manifest myself to him.
Romans 8:9 You, however, are not in the flesh but in the Spirit, if in fact the Spirit of God dwells in you. Anyone who does not have the Spirit of Christ does not belong to him.
It's an Old Testement idea and a New Testment echo.
Are you my friend cleft in rock right now, has God put his hand over your eyes so that you may be in His presence in perfect protection? Or are you the other side of His passing in front of you and amazed by seeing the back side of His Glory.
I think that I am somewhere in-between.

My notes on God's distinguishing presence is more sketchy than I'd like.
She refenced Exodos 3:11 where God tells Moses to go to Pharaoh and Moses says..."But who will go with me?"
v12 God replies "But I will be with you..."
Beth Moore was saying through this that we all have a "With" need...
Who is going with us? Are we filling our "with" need with people or with God?
Idolatry is what happens when we have a "With" need that we fill with people that was supposed to be for God.
Then she talked about our significance need.
Moses had a need for significance, that he like us are desperate to stick out.
Exodus 33:16 "Is it not in your going with us, so that we are distinct...?"
We are desperate to stick out...If you want to stick out, she said, it is your presence with God that will distinguish you!
We think our flaws make us stick out...bad hair cut, not enough________, too much ___________, but really if we asking to see God's glory and filling our life with that need then that will be the thing that makes us stick out. Makes me think of the verse that says we are city set on a hill.
"You were never meant to blend in" she said.
We all want to be distinct but blend in at the same time don't we...well, at least I do...maybe I'm just a freak like that.
The notes from last week have made more of an impact on me than the daily workbook pages this week.
I'm looking forward to tonight.
What are you looking forward to?

July verse

2010-07-05T22:59:00.000-04:00

Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but wordly sorrow brings death.
2 Cor. 7:10

Carly Simon "Blackbird"

2010-07-05T22:58:00.000-04:00

I am with you

2010-07-02T11:34:00.001-04:00

This past week's Beth Moore video from A Woman's Heart had me filling every available space for notes. Today is the first day I've opened it back up to see what I wrote down. I don't know about you but when I take notes, some of it makes sense but I have to really think to make sense of the rest.
One thing that took no figuring out was the section of verses she quoted containing 4 very important words:
I am with you
Gen.26:24
Gen 28:15
Joshua 3:7
Judges 6:12
Isaiah 41:10
Matt 1:23
Matt 28:20
and John 15:5 tells us not only that he is with us but what happens when we are with him.

When I started looking up the verses this morning I wanted to know if the promise God was giving was just for Jacob or could this be something that applied to me as Beth Moore suggested? Being the cheater that I am I look at the bottom of the page at my NKJV study Bible notes on Genesis 28:13-15:

In wonderful condescension toward one who had shown no previous concern for God's ways, God extends the promises of Abraham to Jacob, and adds personal promises of protection and care (v. 15). I ...will bring you back: The timing of Jacob's return to Canaan would be under divine, not human, control (see 27:45)
Ahhh, I love sovereignty. I love the connection to the New Testament promise of "Be confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. Philippians 1 : 6

I love that it reminds me of Stephen's connection to Jacob's struggling and his struggle and how God fulfilled his promises to my nephew. I love it's reminder that it was God's timing of Stephen's death and not something under human control. Over and over again I am reminded that God forgave all of Stephen's sins...
When you were dead in your sins and in the uncircumcision of your sinful nature, God made you alive with Christ. He forgave us all our sins. Colossians 2 : 13I don't know why this keeps coming to my mind, I don't know why it creeps up during the worship time at church or during sermons and teaching.
I don't know why.
All of session 3 had brought tears to my eyes.
Even on the way home a song came on that echoed those thoughts.

There is more I want to share and process, hopefully I will make time to do jot down some thoughts.
If not, have a very happy 4th of July.

Laundry

2010-06-22T09:43:00.001-04:00

Saturday I made laundry soap.
Originally I typed in Duggar's homemade laundry soap and got a recipe from one of the Google listings...a place I can't find this morning. There was some aspect of the Duggar recipe I didn't understand and that's why I looked for another recipe.
For months now I have been gearing myself up to make the laundry soap.
First I had to find the ingredients...all the sites say its easy...pick it up at your local store...but even though I had seen Fels Naptha at my local prior to my endeavor...I couldn't even find the spot on the shelf where they should have been. If you can't find them either try Amazon. I think I found it at a Publix but that was after checking several different locations...
Normally I use Tide and anytime I have switched our clothes end up with stains or we have rashes. It'll be a couple of weeks before I know the results of the homemade variety. I have two empty Tide bottles to fill up with the homemade batch.
The dilemma going into the process rested on where I was going to mix up 5 gallons of laundry soap? First I thought of my mop bucket but then I remembered that we had just used up all the cat litter and that plastic container had a lid on it.
The measurements are still hard to wrap my brain around...I meant to save a milk jug to measure gallons with but had to use my 2qt Kool-Aid pitcher. All these figures makes my brain hurt. Did you know that your blood vessels actually constrict in your brain when you do Math? No wonder my brain hurts so much!
I didn't take pictures of the process but I found someone who did.
And I found a bunch more recipes here.