Here’s my Heart

thankful for my family
Everyone says I have great kids, and I do
Kids that put away all my Christmas decorations yesterday before I got home from a bad visit.
A visit I thought was going to be balm for my soul and ended up being salt.
“I'm standing knee deep but I'm out where I've never been
And I feel You coming and I hear Your voice on the wind”

- In over my head by Bethel Music

The tide keeps washing over my head and I want to make it about me...

John-Thomas lived with my mom for 2 months to try and help her stay in her home longer and picked her up off the floor. Stewart, Emmett and Elise have gone to visit her when I needed thief help.  And I’m so glad it was noticed by some.

Why is it in our nature to dismiss the good we see in others and say “but you can do more”

I feel like God is also doing that. .... 

I need to just say here’s my heart Lord.

Instax

Today I ran across the blog :Inner Child Fun.
It had great tips about afterschool snacks and then I found a post about a cute photo tree craft.  At the bottom it had a chance to win an Instax Fuji Camera.

If I blogged about it I got an extra sweepstakes entry, and since I have no shame I thought I would.

The camera looks neat and I know I would have fun with it, Elise would have fun with it, Josh would have fun with it.  I could see it being very painful to buy additional film for it once the starter pack ran out but it would be great project to work on.

And now

"Dwelling on the faithfulness, the love and mercy of God is always safe, because He is the same yesterday, today and forever."   Elisabeth Elliot

In my 42cnd year I went to the Czech Republic for my third time,
started working full time,
I officially exited the homeschooling world after 15 years,
I sent my oldest off to college (in the same town)
I left the only church two of my children have ever know to attend a new church,
one of our cats died and we got two guinea pigs,
I ran two half marathons, a 10 k and a 5k,
I went to Universal Studios with my sister,
I went to N,C. to visit my father and to Atlanta to visit his brother,
I celebrated my twentieth anniversary on a cruise with my husband and best friend
and now,
and now I am walking through with my mom through the process of dealing with some unknown lesion on her temporal lobe that may or may not be cancer.
I turn 43 in two months and I can not imagine what will happen before then.
Ever since the hurricanes I have been constantly amazed at the fantastic turn of events that are beyond my imagination.
I have been constantly amazed that God knew it all before the beginning of time and is not surprised in the least by any of it.
"The counsel of the Lord stands forever, the plans of His heart to all generations."
Psalm 33:11

Hope for my soul

Three days ago I returned home from teaching English and my third mission trip to the Czech Republic.
I posted some great pictures.
But
What do I say when asked how it went, certainly there is an expectation to hear about all the marvelous things that we did and saw.  It's similar to someone asking how your day went...
Do they really want to know, is it helpful?
Yesterday I had a great opportunity to talk with a friend from church that had gone on the same type trip 5 years ago.
She said it had been hard.
It was out of her comfort zone, she said.
The expectation to continuously reach out to people that do not speak English is daunting.
However, she said, "Going to Ethiopia where I washed desks, walls and played with children and washed desks some more...
...that was much easier."
Every year the church in Celakovice has potluck for us and I have tried to help with the dish washing and cleaning up afterwards and they always get upset with me because I am a guest.
But it's easier than trying to talk with them!
So why do I go?
There are a few people who have limited conversation abilities that I can share ideas or exchange personal experiences with that I am able to connect with.  I am able to encourage these people that God is real and Jesus really did come to save them and the church is a good place to continue in community.
But it isn't easy.

"Everything that happens fits into a pattern for good, but that pattern and that purpose is to shape us to the likeness of His Son."  Elisabeth Elliot

"For whom He foreknew, He also predestined to be conformed to the image of His Son."

Romans 8:29

The first year I went was all learning and observing and letting the experienced ones take the lead.

Last year I felt the leading and emboldening and peace of the Holy Spirit at every turn.

This year was a battle from the moment I stepped off the plane and threw up from motion sickness until we arrived home and our baggage didn't.

Everything and nothing went right.

It was all walking by faith in the one who is the author and finisher of my faith. (2 Cor.5:7) An anchor of Hope for my soul (Hebrews 6:18)

I had impressed upon my heart that verse from Isaiah 6:8, "Here am I send me" when the urgent call for English camp teachers went out in the spring. And I can say with confidence that He did a great work through me but it wasn't easy.  There isn't another English camp for two years.  So we will continue to pray for those wonderful Czech people and wait and see with confident expectation that God will direct our steps.

I want to play the ukulele.
I want to understand sewing machine tension.
I want to be able to bake incredible bread.
I want to enjoy my children,
I want to write a book
I want be really good at something
I want to want to exercise
I want to be a speaker at women's conferences.
I want to be a College English professor
I want to run a store,
I want to sit on the beach every morning
I want to take singing lessons
i want a clean house.

What is Good?

I ended up reading almost two years of Alicia Paulson's blog this morning.

I had to remind myself, when I stopped myself from frittering my time away on the computer, that everyone is given this same amount of time in a day.

It made me sad to realize this.

my blinds used to be clean, the sheets were changed regularly.  I saw my friend Susan once a week, attended a women's bible study  and I homeschooled three kids with a toddler in tow.

What happened.

I miss my friend Tiffany, I haven't talked to her in over a year. Reading Posey Gets Cosie I remembered how much Tiffany was like Alicia Paulson and it made me want to call her.  I don't have another hour to spend.  I have stuff to throw away and dinner to cook and a daughter to homeschool.

What does the Lord require of you, to act justly, love mercy and walk humbly with your God.

Selah.

A day in the life of an Embroiderer

Some days I love my job.  Like when I can make a burlap FSU banner or monogram my shirts. I really had fun the day I made the price tag...why that was big fun for me, I don't know.  Some days I love and hate it all in the same day.  Like when I sew a bible verse on a place mat as a personal gift and I was too lazy to measure the center point and I have to spend two days pulling the stitches out. But at least I could pull the stitches out, sometimes I try and end up putting  a hole in the fabric...that's a really bad day.
I like showing different fonts to the customers, and  thread color choices.  I like helping a customer who doesn't know what they want but it is also nice helping someone come in who knows exactly what they want....that's nice because I don't have to think about anything.  I don't like helping a customer who can't make any decisions and they don't like my ideas.  For the most part I really like the ladies I work with.  I wish I could say that I am shedding some light into their life but since their recent comment about pulling me into their dark side I think that is more of what is happening.  My boss is really a great lady.  She bends over backwards for her customers.  She really has the best customer service attitude ever.  If a customer places an order signs off on the work we are going to do and gives us a name misspelled, she will fix it for them even though it was their mistake.
I don't know why some days it is so hard to check to make sure everything is right before sewing it out:
color, direction, right needle number, right item for the right name...and the list goes on for all the stuff I end up checking and rechecking 3 &4 times and still sometimes I miss something.  And the crazy thing is that all of us do it.  You'd think that one of us could get it all right but evidently not.  The stitch remover has peggy written on the side of it.  We are all friends with Peggy. For a while, Peggy didn't want to be my friend and I really didn't even try to spend much time with her but lately I have been more gentle with her and have not been afraid of her and she is been very nice to me.
I am working only 4 days a week, and only about 4 hours each time so it's not like I'm putting in a lot of time there but it is what I'm doing to pay for a second vehicle and our second hand clothes...and some brand new items when a second hand item just can't be found.