Here’s my Heart

thankful for my family
Everyone says I have great kids, and I do
Kids that put away all my Christmas decorations yesterday before I got home from a bad visit.
A visit I thought was going to be balm for my soul and ended up being salt.
“I'm standing knee deep but I'm out where I've never been
And I feel You coming and I hear Your voice on the wind”

- In over my head by Bethel Music

The tide keeps washing over my head and I want to make it about me...

John-Thomas lived with my mom for 2 months to try and help her stay in her home longer and picked her up off the floor. Stewart, Emmett and Elise have gone to visit her when I needed thief help.  And I’m so glad it was noticed by some.

Why is it in our nature to dismiss the good we see in others and say “but you can do more”

I feel like God is also doing that. .... 

I need to just say here’s my heart Lord.

And now

"Dwelling on the faithfulness, the love and mercy of God is always safe, because He is the same yesterday, today and forever."   Elisabeth Elliot

In my 42cnd year I went to the Czech Republic for my third time,
started working full time,
I officially exited the homeschooling world after 15 years,
I sent my oldest off to college (in the same town)
I left the only church two of my children have ever know to attend a new church,
one of our cats died and we got two guinea pigs,
I ran two half marathons, a 10 k and a 5k,
I went to Universal Studios with my sister,
I went to N,C. to visit my father and to Atlanta to visit his brother,
I celebrated my twentieth anniversary on a cruise with my husband and best friend
and now,
and now I am walking through with my mom through the process of dealing with some unknown lesion on her temporal lobe that may or may not be cancer.
I turn 43 in two months and I can not imagine what will happen before then.
Ever since the hurricanes I have been constantly amazed at the fantastic turn of events that are beyond my imagination.
I have been constantly amazed that God knew it all before the beginning of time and is not surprised in the least by any of it.
"The counsel of the Lord stands forever, the plans of His heart to all generations."
Psalm 33:11

Czech Gifts

This English Camp this year was the largest the Brown's had put together in the Czech Republic and it had the smallest team from America.  This is fitting because the Gideons were leading it.  God took the smallest team so far and did great things. At the team meeting before camp Marshall gave us a pep talk and shared his excitement of the gospel and it's transforming power.  He mentioned Romans 6:28,   "The wages of sin is death but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus," and  “For by grace are you saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God; not of works, lest any man should boast.” (Ephesians 2: 8,9) He went on to make the word picture of being a gift and either opening it or leaving it. I remember him giving us this same pep talk two years ago on our last trip and I was excited to see what God would do this time.

The camp is made up of people from the Brethern Church in Celekovice and their neighbors, co-workers and people in the community.  One of the first years that the Brown's were involved in putting on the camp they advertised in the village paper.  From that advertisement there are a half dozen people that have come back for their third camp.
"Why do you keep coming back?" they ask us.
"Because we love you and want to share God's love with you," we say.
"Why do you keep coming back?" we ask them.
"We have a good time, the people are very nice and our family has a great time," they say.
Throughout the year the church has a weekly English Club for kids.  This is a great way to introduce the kids to the church.  The translator for my class brought their neighbor's daughter to the kids club during the year and then invited the mom and daughter to the camp.  She was an attorney and didn't really believe in God. She didn't feel comfortable saying who God was. You can imagine her discomfort level about going through the creation story and talking about sin.  We knew that it was only the Spirit of God in her heart that would soften her heart and receive the message.  By the end of the week we could see her softened heart and we were rejoicing in her desire to enter into conversations with us.  My translator Jara and her husband as her neighbors will continue to reach out to this woman after I go home.
I had the beginning/intermediate class so there were many conversations that I couldn't take part in because of their level of English vocabulary and my level of Czech.  But I was told that my class was having those conversations with their Czech friends outside of class. During our last class there were a lot of doubts and disagreements shared and even the one lady in our class who is Catholic and I had previously thought was a believer said she doubted whether Jesus really died and was resurrected. And class time was up at that point...it was time for group class and I still had my class gifts to hand out.  I set my translator gifts down at their feet (because they were still involved in their conversations...in the Czech language) and all of sudden the conversation stopped and they reached for thier gifts.  I stopped handing out gifts and told them to wait.....
"Are Jara and her husband excited about their gift," I asked my class? "If they open it and take it home they can use their gifts but if they leave them here unopened then they haven't received their gift.  This is the same with God," I told them.  "You can take this gift He is offering you and make it yours or you can leave it, it is up to you."
After I gave the class their gifts, the sweet couple sitting on the couch next to me gave me a gift.  I told them I would hang it next to my sink and would think of them all during the day while I did dishes. And it has been a great reminder to pray for them and that the Gift of God would grow in their hearts and minds.

Confidence

The anointing you received from him remains in you, and you do not need anyone to teach you. But as his anointing teaches you about all things and as that anointing is real, not counterfeit--just as it has taught you, remain in him.1 John 2 : 27

Yesterday was the second time this year that the pastor's sermon was expanded on thoughts I had durring the week.

The first time , I had the image of a closed fist all week.  I had been mulling over in my thoughts what that was in my life.  Then the pastor did a sermon on giving.  

Yesterday his sermon was the first in a series of the gospel in the carols and the first carol was Charles Wesley's "Come thou long Expected Jesus."

I must say that I pay more attention during the sermon is about something God has already initiated during the week.

It was with that affirmation that I read today's scripture  from John2:27.

What confidence He gives us that He is at work in us and will continue it.

Fight on.

After All

1 John 3:2 "Beloved, we are God's children now, and what we will be has not yet appeared; but we know that when he appears we shall be like him, because we shall see him as he is."

A year ago I spent one afternoon and only had a couple of exchanges with a 27 year old friend who was helping a family of 9 pack up their house to move across the country.  He was a colleague of my friends and he spoke to me like we had been friends our whole life.  In just a couple of conversations I knew he had a passion for Christ, for students living right and that he loved to be active.  He was involved in the life of another family I am friends with and I have thought how much I would like to spend time with him. Well, he died this week. Over 2,000 people have "liked" the prayers for James Belyea page. Josh never met him but after reading through the comments people were leaving he called me and was filled with emotion overflowing.   He impacted everyone he met and even some that had only heard of him.

When I heard After All  this morning it resonated some initial thoughts I had when it first came out.

When Stephen died it was instrumental in my grieving process to know that he had started his eternity of praising God, of worshiping him in fullness.  The face to face that we have sung about our whole lives.

But right now I can only dream about that majesty, it isn't bright enough right now.

Our life right now can't contain all of his Glory.

But He reigns.

I can't comprehend it but 

He is Holy

After All

I can't comprehend your infinitely beautiful and perfect love
Oh I've dreamed dreams of majesty as brilliant as a billion stars
But they're never bright enough after all

You are Holy
Oh Holy
Holy, Holy, Holy

I will sing a song for you my God with everything I have in me
But it's never loud enough after all

You are Holy
Oh Holy
Holy, Holy, Holy

Heaven and earth are full, full of your glory, glory
My soul it overflows full of your glory, your glory
Oh blessed is he who reigns, full of your glory, your glory
My cup, it can't contain all of your glory, your glory
Hosanna we are found after all you are

Holy
Oh Holy
Holy, Holy, Holy

I can't comprehend
You're infinitely beautiful

by the David Crowder Band

Another one of my grieving songs that has come out recently is Matt Redman's 10,000 Reasons
And another one that redirects me : Stronger by Hillsong

More thoughts on Halloween

Yesterday we started singing this song.
Fine song, we've sung it before.
But when we got to the chorus, all of sudden while I was singing
Oh, my God, He will not delay
My refuge and strength always
I will not fear, His promise is true
My God will come through always, always

What was really going through my mind was me standing in the kitchen telling Cathron everything was going to be okay.  I remember thinking while I was on the phone with her that there was nothing to fear, My God will come through always, always.

Two years later I still believe that my God will come through always but it is not the way I would ever imagine or in my PollyAnna Hollywood dream world plan it out to be. I'm still glad I didn't fear, I wish that was the case most of the time.
There are struggles, unforeseen twists in our life, a path that turned when we didn't want to, or a path that will not turn when we want to, and yet God's promises are always true.
This story of our life is not about our hopes and dreams it is about His.

Cried on the phone with a friend that unexpectedly called this morning,  We discussed these same things.
I didn't think yesterday when I was reliving my kitchen experience that I would be using it to encourage my friend to trust in the One who has already planned out her life. When I started this post this morning I didn't know that Jennifer would be calling and adding to this story. There is so much I don't know.

I lift my eyes up, my help comes from the Lord

Equality

Jesus Christ, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness.

Why do we try to grasp the control of our lives and make our self equal?God?
Why do we try to grasp our importance and self rights and make our self equal w/God?
Why do we raise our fist when our afflictions seem to outshine His Glory and we try to make our self equal with God?

But....
he made himself nothing....
taking the very nature of a servant.

Oh How He loves us.
How He loves

Preparation

Jesus said, I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will live, even though he dies. John 11:25
Today's verse of the day,  coupled with David Crowder's How he loves touched a nerve this morning.  
Preparing my heart to remember that He makes beautiful things out of dust.  That he brings beauty from ashes.   
Last week we bought my ticket to Indiana.
Thinking about Solomon's words of vanity.
All this church going and "right" living is all vanity.
We have nothing to stand upon other than Christ's righteousness.
Sorry it's been a bit silent here lately. Not able to be on the computer much, my email went days without being checked and while I got on FB it was literally for two minutes.  Hoping for a few more minutes this week.

 

ukes and grass skirts

God is Trustworthy is the title/theme of Chapter 3 of The Good and Beautiful God.  He started the chapter out discussing Jesus's trust of his Father.  Jesus knew God before he was a man and knew he was a good father long before he had to trust.  Jesus focused on his good God when life didn't seem good and trusted that God's way was good.  This post has been sitting in my draft folder for several days because I wanted to discuss the great truth in this chapter but I am realising this morning that I don't have time.  This started out as an easy enough post about the things I'm thankful for and maybe that's all it should have been.

The soul training exercise for Chapter 3 of The Good and Beautiful God is to write out how you are thankful. James Bryan Smith says to list loved ones, material possessions, opportunities, creation, things you love and things that God has done for you. In a couple of different places I written out a few things but I am far short of  the fifty or hundred that he suggest striving for in a list.

• robes of righteousness that always fit no matter how much ice cream I've eaten
• Grace that meets me when I don't deserve it
• Good tasting healthy food...right now I'm loving soybeans, raw and cooked and I also love Tabbouleh
• The freedom and resources to homeschool my children and the ability for them to go to good schools when I don't
• jobs that provide some source of fulfillment both relationally and creatively and fit our abilities
• continuous opportunities that teach me to wait
• wonderful pets that have found us
• music for the children's worship time on Wednesday nights and rocking awesome women to come a long side me to serve the children
• fuel efficient car
• husbands knowledge of computers
• children that make me laugh
• children that want to make me laugh
• friends that seek me out
• middle school football coach that puts the game in the proper perspective
• books that make me laugh and think and dream
• trip to Prague

Metanoia

Two thoughts I had that prompted me to post:

1. I wish tea didn't make my face break out.
2. I'm glad I don't have a problem with sleep.

Last week I started reading Good Beautiful God by James Bryan Smith. 
Tracy reccomended it.
I had never heard of it or the author.
I was suspiscious.
The first chapter was great, and I'm not saying that just because I already had the soul training exercise mastered before trying it.
It is nice to go through a book and the big challenge of the week you don't actually have as an issue.
At different times in my life I have even wondered if sleep was an idol in my life.  Right now, at least, sleep isn't an idol but food very much is.  Matter of fact right before I started writing this, I had a very fresh pita that was so good I wanted to eat the whole bag of pitas immediately. Even though I didn't eat more than I should this time I could spend the rest of this post talking about it.
Back to the book..
I am excited about this book because it carries on some ideas that Gloria and I discussed with Made to Crave. 
"The will is more like a beast of burden that simply responds to the impulses of others."
"Change happens when these other influencers (mind, body, social context) are modified."
"We cannot change simply by saying,'I want to change.' We have to examine what we think (our narratives) and how we practice (the spiritual disciplines) and sho we are interacting with (our social context).
So the first soul training exercise was the spiritual discipline of sleep training. This week exercise is to spend 5 minutes a day in silence.  I think I can do that. My problem is that either I fall asleep or my mind is not silent...that's why I need this training exercise I guess.
One of my favorite parts of chapter 1 was when Smith introduces how change has to happen in our minds. He quotes Jesus in his first sermon, "Repent (Metanoia), for the kingom of God is at hand."  Smith then goes on to say "Metanoia refers to the changing  of one's mind." He then references:

1. Romans 12:2  "Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your minds, so that you may discern what is the will of God --what is good and acceptable and perfect
2. Colossians 3:2 "Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things."
3. Philippian 2:5  "In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus"

Wacky Wednesday

It seems like every time I hear this song it resonates with me.  The part in yello connects with what we read in our Made to Crave book. The first two stanzas  connects with what I've heard my sister and brother-in-law say about thoughts they have had since Stephen died and it seems like it connects with what Josh says on a semi-regular basis about the way he feels.
The part that is blue is encouraging to me because it reminds again that this life/movie is not about me...which is from the Francis Chan Book Crazy Love.
The summer of 2010 Big Daddy Weave performed after one of the Jacksonville Suns baseball games and I really wasn't impressed with them but still occasionally enjoy their songs. I thought about putting a picture in between each stanza like Sherri does sometimes (which I have copied shamelessly) but there wasn't enough time today to do that.  


I freaked out today because I thought I had missed E&E's appt. for physicals but it turns out it is tomorrow, seems like this school thing is all consuming and I would rather be on prozac if I'm going to be this tired from running at crack a dawn thirty but I have "the power of the hand of the universe".  
Which brings me to my prayer for you today.  I thanked God that he made you victorious today and that you  were able to extinguish all the fiery darts of the enemy and that you would take up the shield of faith and fight with strength knowing that the Lord is with you. Amen




I wish I was more of a man
Have you ever felt that way
And if I had to tell you the truth
I’m afraid I’d have to say
That after all I’ve done and failed to do
I feel like less than I was meant to be

What if I could fix myself
Maybe then I could get free
I could try to be somebody else
Who’s much better off than me
But I need to remember this
That it’s when I’m at my weakest
I can clearly see

He made the lame walk and the dumb talk
He opened blinded eyes to see
That the sun rises on His time
Yet He knows our deepest desperate need
And the world waits while His heart aches
To realize the dream
I wonder what life would be like if we let Jesus life thru you and me

What if you could see yourself thru another pair of eyes
What if you could hear the truth
Instead of old familiar lies
What if you could feel inside
The power of the hand that made the universe You’d realize All our hearts they burn within us
All our lives we’ve longed for more
So let us lay our lives before the one who gave His life for us

In spite of

You became imitators of us and of the Lord; in spite of severe suffering, you welcomed the message with the joy given by the Holy Spirit. 1 Thessalonians 1 : 6

...in spite of severe suffering, you welcomed the message with joy...

the same songs are on my ipod that were on two years ago.

Sometimes when I'm listening to them I can remember sitting in the airport crying as I hear about Christ laying down his life.

but I welcomed His message with joy given by the Holy Spirit.

Did I?

I can say I sang of His mercies that lead me through sorrows to rivers of joy but I don't know if I welcomed the message with joy.

What would that look like?

Finish line

I have really come to dislike Sundays.
Every Sunday it is the same thing.
Worship music starts, I start crying because I am taken back to Stephen's death.
Even the music on the radio when we got home resonated.
Laura Story's Blessings ,
What if your blessings come through raindrops? What if your healing comes through tears? What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know you’re near?

Chris Tomlin's I will Rise
There’s a peace I’ve come to know
Though my heart and flesh may fail
There’s an anchor for my soul
I can say “It is well”
Jesus has overcome
And the grave is overwhelmed
The victory is won
He is risen from the dead

The message in church this morning was about sharing your testimony.
He stopped his message so we could turn to our neighbor and tell about the moment when we first believed and the people that were involved in that.
I've got nothing.
But....
Stephen did.
More tears.
So I'm thinking that I might share that story when we go to Czech. Each night we take turns sharing our testimony and I think my night is Thursday.  Josh doesn't think I'll be able to get it out...he thinks I'll just break down crying with the translator standing beside me not knowing what to do.  My original plan was to share a testimony of God's provision and faithfulness that we overwhelmingly experienced through the hurricanes. I guess I should print them both out.

Heart Beats

Last week I got an email from our church administrator...
Would I be willing to read the scripture in the next service?
Heart beat increase...
"Okay," I said but "are you setting me up to read a verse about submission or keeping quiet?" I asked him....At our church in Palm Bay that is completely something Phil would have done.
So Thursday evening I get the scripture: Deut 6:1-16
I read through it once Thursday night and when I got to verse 10 I had a little hiccup.
with great and good cities that you did not build, 11 and houses full of all good things that you did not fill, and cisterns that you did not dig, and vineyards and olive trees that you did not plant
There is so much we are given either materially or spiritually that we are not responsible for!
Read it through again and it didn't have the same welling of emotion...whew I thought, that could be a problem.
I listened to it on the ESV online site and read it out loud and nary had one quivering thought.
Yeah, well it didn't end up that way when it was time for me to go up and read it.
For no reason what so ever I am nervous when I get up there and my heart is beating hard and fast, it feels hard to take a breath. Slow down I tell myself, breath I tell myself. But when I get to verse 10 my voice starts quivering, tears well up in my eyes and I have to pause to take a deep breath.
Nice recovery Stewart said.
I asked him how embarrassed I should be...he didn't want to answer that question.
Instead he said, "How does it relate to Stephen?'
For the past year and half he knows when tears well and I am all choked up it is because something has reminded me of Stephen so he was trying to figure out how cisterns related to him? It didn't but now that I think about it, it fits as well.
It's just part of the greater picture that nothing we have is ours, it all belongs to God to do all His Holy will with to His Glory and if we think for a minute that it is ours we are greatly mistaken.

Be confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.

Philippians 1 : 6

Garden Plans

Third and Fourth Chapters of Made to Crave gave me more food for thought...HA, is it okay to have food for thought when you're discussing food issues?

"I can't wish blooms into place any more than I can wish fat away." I loved her analogy of wanting a garden and wanting to be thinner...both take work.

• What thoughts, images, or emotions do you associate with the word plan?Are you the kind of person who says, "I love it when a plan comes together! or are you more likely to say, "Plan-schman, cant we all just go with the flow?

                 -Alright, as soon as I read this I realized I am so not a planner.  I hate meal plans, life plans according to Stephen Covey, dress plans, vacation plans, money saving plans...yep, most every plan...maybe even memorizing the plan to salvation...I mean, yes I believe in Salvation and believe you should share your faith but...the whole plan idea makes me a little jumpy, scitterish, maybe even nauseous.
They feel restrictive, like the spanx I put on to look better in my clothes.
I never knew I had such an adverse reaction to plans.
Lists I like.
I have a list started this morning for things I need to do before we go on our Czech mission trip.
I have a list on the fridge of things I would like Josh to address in the house.
I have a list of songs that I would like to download.
But no plans.
Immediately this verse comes to mind:
Proverbs 15:21 Plans fail for lack of counsel,
but with many advisers they succeed.
Good thing I've got many advisers, just in case I do have a plan!  The title of Chapter 4 is even "Friends don't let friends eat before thinking."
Plans make me feel discouraged because they seem impossible to carry out. And "desperation breeds degradation" according to Terkeurst.
Good thing chapter 1 dealt with the Tower of Impossibility.

Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.  Be self-controlled and alert. 1Pter 5:7-8

When I want to eat and I have already eaten it has been easier to remember to take the bricks from my tower of impossibility and use them in my pathway to prayer. BUT, it is when everyone else is eating dessert that I find I don't even think or see the tower of impossibility...it is in a smokey haze like the one that covered Jacksonville yesterday.

The Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God's will.

Romans 8 : 26-27

Mountains

You have circled this mountain long enough, now turn north. Deut.2:3
My ambitious soul sisters from church and I are going to plow through Made to Crave by Lysa Terkeurst this summer.  We meet this morning.
I'm  a slacker.
Bought the book yesterday.
Read chapter 1 last night, fell asleep.
I'm also an early riser.
Got up at 5 and read chapter 2 and flipped through the book.
At the end she has "Healthy Eating Scripts".
Deut. 2:3 really popped off the page for me.
I think it may be my summer verse.
Before I posted though, I wanted to read it in context.
Did you know there was a ESV Literary Bible online?  (Well I didn't before I googled the verse. ) The overview of the chapter made me think that the verse might be taken out of context but then as I read on I stumbled over these words:
2:7" For the Lord your God has blessed you in all the work of your hands. He knows your going through this great wilderness. These forty years the Lord your God has been with you. You have lacked nothing.”
How many times have I felt unblessed?
How many times does the Lord my God seem to not be with me.
How many times do I feel lack?
But...
He knows my going through this great wilderness.
Heavy Sigh.
And so I am not disappointed in what I found and my soul is refreshed with the promises. 
I am looking forward to walking through this book with Anne and Julie and thinking of my other soul sisters and wishing they were coming over today to discuss it too.

Visiting

Most of the time when you visit a church they sing different songs than you are used to. Chances are that most of the songs sung will not be what you are familiar with and that can either make you uncomfortable or it can open your ears to a fresh word of truth.
In a old Midwest Boys and Girls Club Gymnasium I sat with a quiet spirit burdened with the passing of the first anniversary of my nephews death, waiting on God.
The sermon ends and preparations are made for communion. When the piano started it was like walking in the edge of the surf with the waves rippling on your ankles.
To hear at that moment of deep sorrow and waiting ...

Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree,
Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy.
When all of a sudden,
I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory,
And I realize just how beautiful You are,
And how great Your affections are for me.

And oh, how He loves us so,
Oh how He loves us,
How He loves us all
He loves us
Well, you know the tears came, and then that song was followed by Beautiful things
All this pain
I wonder if I’ll ever find my way
I wonder if my life could really change at all
All this earth
Could all that is lost ever be found
Could a garden come up from this ground at all
and every time I hear those songs I am right back in that gym, reminded that He knows our sorrow, He knows our loss and He is making it into something beautiful. Life is being found, not just in Stephen's life which is now being shared gloriously with Christ but Life is being found in me.
This week I have questioned why we need to be made better, why can't we just be who we are, why do we need to be stronger? What if we don't want to be stronger? Ah, sanctification...haven't written about it in a while.
In our easy American life we forget that beautiful things are made out of dust and work and pain.

He wants to make us in His image, to be his portion, it IS better to be closer to Jesus and be made like him and if these horrible things do that, then that is what we need. Sometimes God withholds something from us (like the life of a family member) because it is good for us.
Can I trust God?
Can I trust God to withhold something for me because it is good for me or will I bemoan it?
Do I believe that God has the best for me and he had the best for Stephen. I believe He is still teaching me that only the Blood of Christ is sufficient for my salvation or that of anyone I know or will come across on this journey. There is nothing else I need to do or have to make that true.

Stewart wants to download some songs for me and I had forgotten about the David Crowder song until I pulled in my driveway today and it came on the radio...immediately I was right back in Exodus Church and the tears were right there welling.
And the promises of God remain unchanging.


I have given you authority to trample on snakes and scorpions and to overcome all the power of the enemy; nothing will harm you.

Luke 10 : 19

Nothing will harm us...Nothing, that's a good promise too.

Hospitality

What keeps me from hospitality?
Melanie's post has prompted some pretty strong feelings.
I do remember the cleanliness of my both of my grandmother's homes. I remember the cleanliness of my aunt's house....I remember my sister tracking dirt from her sneakers onto my aunt's newly mopped floor.  I remember helping my aunt vacum when I stayed with her one summer and helping my step-mother clean when I stayed with her. So I am all to aware that there are some people who do place value in a clean house. 
We have two/three cats and two dogs.  I say it that way because one cat was here when we moved in and she comes and goes as she pleases but still contributes to the dirt and hair.  Turns out that some of the people that I would love to invite over are allergic to cats...even though I did a VeRy thorough cleaning a whole week leading up to one of them coming over they still were miserable.  When I hear of women and men who are cleaning machines it cements the idea even more into my head that these people would not be comfortable in my home and it would be a miserable experiance for us both.  Just this week I heard that from a friend I had coffee with and promptly checked them off the list of people that would be good to have over.  There are people that have mentioned that they would like to come over and I have given them an open invitation to stop by any time they want with no warning but they won't take me up on it.  A friend did stop by out of the blue last week but that is only the second time that has happened in the 6 years we have lived here.  I have no problem whatsoever with dropins...in means they don't care what state the house is in.  When we were in Tallahasse and then Palm Bay, we used to call out "Man your battlestations" when someone called to say they were around the corner and then we would wipe down the bathroom sink, clean off chairs/tables and make it less messy.
And you know, even though Melanie says she hasn't dusted in two weeks, I've been to her house, it is still tidy...you know why I know this...because I used to just drop in on her.  I miss that.  In 6 years I've had no one to just drop in on.  My life in Palm Bay was not free from struggle but there are some things I miss about it and one of those things was giving and recieving hospitality.
 
Since I sent the camera with Josh and the kids this morning when they left to visit his family for the weekend(I have to work tonight and teach SS tomorrow)I couldn't take pictures of what you'd see if you dropped in right now.  I pulled the Welcome image from here.  Oddly enough, she too was talking about hospitality.  Evidently she says you have to plan for it. Or maybe I'm don't have  " purposeful selflessness."  So there we have it, I guess I'm just a grump now that we've moved to Jacksonville and if I would just change then the masses would flock.  Who knows, I wish I could turn the tone of this post into something light hearted and wonderful but I really feel it going down the drain...it's like watching a train wreck....Quick turn your head, avert disaster, run from my blog now before you're brought down!  Now I'm feeling all Lemony Snicket.  I love it when a Chidren's Book comes into reference...

Promises

Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy. 1 Peter 1:8 

It's hard to know when to validate feelings.  

Yesterday while driving I heard the whole Focus on the Family broadcast "Hope in the midst of Infertility".    Specifically they were talking about miscarriages and validating the feelings of loss that come with losing an unborn baby. And while most of the program had tears in my eyes as I remembered my own miscarriages and then my sister's miscarriages their discussion on grief also hit home as it relates to Stephen.  People who have not experienced a loss through death can not understand what is like and often say things that are not helpful when all that is needed is for someone to come alongside.  One couple said it had been 8 years and they still weren't over it but no one wanted to hear about their grief anymore. Then one of the ladies said she just chooses not to go there and I don't remember the rest of her explanations.  I wish they would have stressed to keep focusing on God's truth in their life instead of their ongoing loss.
I might have forgotten about that teary eyed 20 minute drive out to my aunt's yesterday except for my verse of the day. 
Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy. 1 Peter 1:8

The promises of God has been the focus/lesson/ theme for this whole year of k-2 Sunday School lessons. When I read the verse this morning not feeling like I had inexpressible and glorious joy I wondered if this was a promise....this isn't a feeling this is a promise, is it true?  Well of course it's true because it's God's word and no matter what I think I feel like ...I am filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy.
This past Sunday as I displayed each of the promises we have gone over this year I knew there was a post waiting to be written but I didn't think it go this way. 

Happy Birthday

I wasn't planning on posting today but when I ran across this blog and all the lovely Anthropologie knock off necklaces she had made I wanted to share the love.
Today is Josh's birthday, Good Friday and Earth Day.
I have heard all week that it is Holy Week but the impact of that fact has not been felt deeply.
Why? All week when I realize that the importance of this special week was lost on my soul I tried to figure out why. Besides saying that I was backslidden I chocked it up to this crazy season in my life. Fortunately last Sunday when I excused myself from the K-2 Sunday School Class and hid out in another room with a friend I was encouraged to find out I was not alone in this season... evidently she is on the same rotation of the earth.
It's not time to pack up the winter clothes yet...may have to run to the store for added layers.
This week I find out my straight A honor student is getting a D and he was hiding it from me and I was offered another job.
Can anyone say, Thermal Time?
The second job would only be three 6 week engagements overseeing the Prime Time Family Reading Time for the Jacksonville Public Library. If I took it, I might get to go to New Orleans for training.

I finished Jane Eyre this week and would love to do a Bible Study based on the book and discuss the theological components of the book. There are some neat discussions here. Susan, Tracy and I wanted to go see the movie but thought it would be fun to read it first...unfortunately the movie isn't playing in Jacksonville...What's up with That?

Last night on FB I saw that Amazon had Third Day's newest album Move on sale for $5 and after I went to Amazon I looked at the

Customers Who Bought This Item Also Bought

and this album looked like something I might like so I clicked on it and there was a song that has moved me to tears when I heard it on the radio. So of course I went to YouTube and teared up some more.

You Make Beautiful Things

You make Beautiful Things out of Dust

You make Beautiful things out of Us.

And that will end my Holy Week.

Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful.

Colossians 3 : 15