Interruptions?

For a couple of months I have been feeling like I don't want to teach Sunday School anymore and I don't want to do Wednesday nights either.
I'm done.
But,
I've been feeling I'm done with everything.
I quit the library circulation job but have been trying to keep up with everything else.

Two weeks ago my partner in crime for the past 4 years says to me before Sunday School,
"Nothing against you but I don't think I'm going to teach SS next year."
Praise the Lord, just the answer I was looking for.
I didn't want to leave dear sweet Charlene hanging, not that I'm any sort of great co-hort but still I felt an obligation to teach if she did.  Lord knows she would do an outstanding job with whomever taught with her but truth be told I get a lot out of her teaching so I would stay in almost selfishly to spend time with her.
If she's not teaching, no need for me to be there.
That just leaves me with with Wednesday night.
Don't know what to do about that.
Wish someone who come forward with a burning desire to take it over.  I don't mind being a fill in but I really don't think I'm the woman for the job of heading up the Wednesday night program.
Two years is enough.
Sabbatical's are after 7 years....between SS and Wednesday night I have 6 yrs, does that count?

The Teens Make a Difference program is back on again.  We have funding for the fall and they will pursue it for the Spring. Boss lady at the embroidery shop wants me to work more hours over the summer....so much for getting some stuff around the house....except for the kiddos might be gone for three weeks so no interruptions there.

Going nowhere not even fast

It's gotten hot.
72 degrees doesn't sound hot but my ideal jogging temp is 57.
Don't even get me started on the humidity.
My neighbor and I had winnowed our jogging time down to less than a 9 minute mile...granted it wasn't much less than 9....8:58 but we were stoked.
This morning it was an 11 minute mile and we felt like we were jogging as fast as we could.
Monday we decided to mix up our jogging schedule.  Same mileage for the week but spread out over 5 days instead of 3.  I don't know if the change up has messed us up or if it was coming off a cold and too many cruise desserts or what, but I'm hoping we will get better.  If we don't,  I should be happy that I am exercising.
Forget goals and improving, status quo....
blah, blah, blah...
More on the blah, blah, blah...
Yesterday I started the process to turn in my resignation for one of my library jobs.
Over a month ago when I found out the library was not attempting to renew the grant for the Teens Make a Difference, I was offered a part time job in circulation. It was 18 hrs a week at minimum wage but I had also just found out we had been operating our household with a growing deficit for the past two years and it seemed like what I needed to do so I took it.
About the same time Stewart got on the middle school swim team (under duress from me....Coach wanted him on track...Stewart didn't do well in track last year, I thought he would do well on the swim team.)
This week I asked for a night off to go see Stewart in a swim meet....I have missed three so far, only a couple left.....I should also mention he has learned three dives since joining the swim team.

Circ. Supervisor said I couldn't have the night off.
I cried.
It's that time of month.
I cried some more.
On my brake I went to my friend Susan's desk and told her and cried some more.
Tried hard to be grateful for the stupid job.
Our budget deficit hasn't gone away but I decided to resign anyway.
Had a few minutes last night before Prime Time started so I flopped open my Bible.
It flopped to Isiah 31....
Basically don't trust in horses and chariots, trust in God.
Forget goals and improving.
Or, remember the goals that are most important and improving in areas that can't be measured by bank accounts or bathroom scales or timers.

From Matthew Henry's commentary:

[4] For thus hath the LORD spoken unto me, Like as the lion and the young lion roaring on his prey, when a multitude of shepherds is called forth against him, he will not be afraid of their voice, nor abase himself for the noise of them: so shall the LORD of hosts come down to fight for mount Zion, and for the hill thereof.

For — Although you have done evil in sending to Egypt for help, yet the Lord himself will, of his own grace, give you that help which you do not deserve.

Isaiah 32: 16 
Then justice will dwell in the wilderness,
    and righteousness abide in the fruitful field.
¹⁷ And the effect of righteousness will be peace,
    and the result of righteousness, quietness and trust^[a] forever.
¹⁸ My people will abide in a peaceful habitation,
    in secure dwellings, and in quiet resting places.

Perspective

People keep asking me how my cruise was...expecting me to say great, I mean what else would someone say who had been on a cruise?
Only, the day of my actual birthday, we were supposed to be tendered from the ship to Carnival's private island where we would use the snorkel sets I had purchased and enjoy snorkeling all day trying to avoid getting burned to a crisp.
Instead...
Stewart took a picture of me trying to loose my breakfast because there was stormy seas.  It was raining and the island was cancelled, I gave up trying not to feel sea sick.  I had tried my best to play Spite and Malice with Cathron and the kids but in the end I gave up and went to bed for several hours.  It rained all day.

This cruise did have the best desserts of any of our cruises.  Which could have been a very bad thing but I did spend 45 minutes on the elliptical every morning.  I did get to spend time with my niece Claire because she stayed in our room.  I am thankful that Emmett got to hang out with his cousin Olivia in my dad's room and glad that Stewart got to hang out with Jonathon in their own room.  Not so glad that John-Thomas did go back to his room to sleep too much.

All in all it was a good cruise.  

Glad my dad took us.

I'm okay if we don't go again.

It's okay

My friend Susan was over for my 39th birthday  and was saying that we should go on a cruise to celebrate by 40th.
Elise said, "I want to go."
I said, "You'll have to talk to Grandaddy about that."
No sooner had I said the words, she had hightailed into the kitchen and made the arrangements for the our family.
Susan didn't go.
But...
My sister and her family minus Joshua, her son that is in welding school.
My step-mom also joined us and brought her son-in-law, daughter, nephew and his wife. (We were seated with them at dinner...Cathron and my Dad were at the kids' table)

My friend Shanel, who turned 40 a few weeks before me has been saying how old she is...and I would tell her not to say that because then I would be old too.
Well, Thursday night I was at the Library working and realized that I am old.
I don't know the name of any movies, let alone the people in them, and I don't have the foggiest idea who is on the radio... (I'm even sketchy about who is on Air1.)
The thing is, I don't even care anymore
Yep, I'm old and it's okay.

Focus

This week has been a hard week and a relaxing week all in one.
Hard because I've had a cold, relaxing because I've only had one job outside the home to go to.

I gave up "candy" for Lent.   Quotations because I didn't count peppermints...because I can eat just one and stop.  My co-workers leave bags of candy on the desk and when I'm there by myself on Saturday and Sunday I finish off their candy and then have ended up buying replacements.  So Lent helped me focus on not starting in the first place.  I didn't buy any Easter candy to eat before Easter and only bought Robin Eggs and the mini Cadbury hard shell eggs to eat after Easter. I've had a few jelly beans but nothing like I've had in the past.

My neighbor and I ran for the first time since our half marathon on Monday but then didn't on Wednesday because of the smoke.
Friday we ran but I couldn't turn off the "I don't want to do this" recording in my head so I asked if we could walk at mile 4. 

 Less than two weeks before my birthday cruise.  Last year Tracy and Susan wanted to do something special for my 40th so they proposed going on a cruise.  I found one on my birthday that Josh and I were willing to save for. 
Elise said she wanted to go.
I said, "You'll have to talk to Grandaddy about that."
No sooner had I finished speaking than she was on the phone talking to my dad.
So now the whole family is going.
Susan and Tracy decided not to.
My sister Cathron and her family decided to.
My step-sister also decided to join us.

With so much focus on me turning 40 I need to not forget someone turning 42 in eight days.

Has it been that long?

After reading a month of Gloria's posts I realized that is was imperiative that I post.  I started one over a week ago but it didn't get finished.....too involved, complicated stories from working with my teen interns and trying to be involved in their messed up lives. 
That's over.
No more involvement and no more intern job.
The library did not pursue getting more grant funding.
I was asked if I would be interested in working in Circulation (front desk, checking out books).
He asked me on Friday, wanted an answer on Monday.
Less money, more hours but it leaves the door open for future opportunities. 
So, I give myself until December to work two jobs, homeschool and "keep house".

The upper level staff keeps asking me how I'm enjoying it.
I politely and enthusiastically respond that I'm enjoying learning something new and that I have always felt that I should have learned this aspect of the library. 
I really want to scream.

Upside to all of this is that Elise and Emmett are reading more.
Can't go wrong with that.

When I looked for picture to start this post I had no idea what to write about, found this picture and had no idea why we went to Krispy Kreme that day.  Elise said it was from February? 
February?
Has it been that long?

Competitive

going up the Main St. Bridge

 I turn 40 this year.  For the past 3 years I have been jogging with my neighbor, before that it was with my friend Susan.  Last year my neighbor tried to get me to sign up for the Gate River Run.

Why on God's green earth would I want to do that?

I don't like jogging, I hate crowds, it cost money....really, I'm not seeing an upside to this.

This year I had a temporary moment of complete insanity...because mostly I'm just partly insane on any given day.  I signed up on the last day you could register for $30 and then I forgot about it.

Until the week before.
The Tuesday before I fell 2 miles into our jog and skinned both knees and my hands, ripped the skin completely off a finger.

The day before the race I read how both bridges pose a trip hazard.
Tears welled up in my eyes...
What have I got myself into?

The race started and it took us 10 minutes to walk up to the start line because there were 5,000 people in front of us.  It took us 20 minutes to go the first mile because there were walkers that we kept having to dodge past.
Six and 1/2 miles in, I squirted a Gatorade thingy in my mouth and then grabbed an orange slice that someone was handing to runners going by and then I grabbed two dixie cups of water at mile 7 and then I got a cramp so we walked one length of power poles.
My mom and family were waiting to cheer me up over the Hart Bridge.....
25 mile/hr gusts going up kinda slowed me down and I couldn't keep up with Craig.
But...
I only finished a minute + after him.
1 hr 37  minutes 26 seconds.

view from top of Hart Bridge

This is the view looking back at the Hart Bridge 

It was not as bad as I thought it would be and I was thankful at the end. Thankful for all the people wearing Christian shirts so I could read God's word along the way.  Thankful for the Christian band at mile 6.
But then...
I started asking how people did, what were their times? And then I started looking at the race results and I saw how good I did compared to other people I know...
we won't talk about the people I don't know or the 16 yr old friend of my son and their time.
I think a little too much pride is creeping in.
I don't know how to tell if I've done good and leave it at that and maybe I'm more competitive than I thought I was.

Disclaimer: the top and bottom photo were stolen from my friend Beth's facebook page and the middle one was stolen from Susan's...I did not stop to take a picture during my jog.